Power of Moms Retreat

Last Saturday I attended the "Power of Moms" retreat in Park City. I have been watching this website/project for the past year. I really like the idea of learning from other moms. Even more, I like the concept of creating a completely honest environment about the ups and downs of motherhood. So, in a decidedly deliberate move to really see what this is all about--and explore the potential for creating my own "learning circle," I went.

Post reflection I've come to this simple truth: I pride myself on learning about a variety of things. I don't shy away from trying new projects, potentials or philosophies. I went to this to learn something that I could share with other women and the cold hard reality is that I don't have a CLUE about real parenting technique. I realize and admit (a little unwillingly) that VERY little of what I do (in motherhood) is deliberate and serves a designated purpose. Why not? Well, it's simple, because frankly I never considered it before.

As a Mormon woman, you would think that I would have put all of this together in my mind. I mean, we have family prayer, family home evening, we plan for discussions about pornography and chastity--we are obviously not doing "nothing"--but I'm not sure that we're really doing "something" either. And you know what? I think that most women are like me.

During conversation with Jeff regarding "why doesn't the church have professional development for women? We should be talking more about strategies and intention!" Jeff reminded me that this is probably because if the church came out with something really specific that eventually you would have "those kind of people" who start to judge everyone who "isn't using the church strategies for family-raisin'"--and he's right because there really isn't a right or a wrong way to raise a family--

BUT--what about people like me who can do everything from knit a sweater to neuter a tom cat--but we just didn't get the memo about good parenting? It doesn't make me a bad mom. No. It doesn't. I've read books about parenting. Hey, I can actually quote passages from BabyWise--I'm talking about strategies like sitting down with your spouse and asking "who and what do we want our children to become" and then actually setting goals based upon obtaining that outcome. As an educator I am constantly hounding the fact that we want students to "see the big picture"--because the big picture allows them to make a conscientious choice, which is exactly what I want for my family. I'm not confident that you can really get there without a plan. An honest to goodness, write the bloody thing down, kind of plan.

Here are some of the things discussed that I will continue to think about:

1) Motherhood should be deliberate. Start with the end in mind.

2) We need margins and space in our lives. White space on a page is pleasant to the eye--white space doesn't mean that we are lazy. I need to leave space, but be more careful about what I let seep into those spaces and margins.

3) Serendipity: The state of mind whereby a person through awareness and sensitivity frequently finds something better than what he was seeking. I do not have to define myself as either a structured or spontaneous person--serendipity allows me to find a little bit of both.

4) What IS our family motto? What values do I most want my children to identify with?

I want my kids to: work hard/manage resources; behave; and have a strong sense of identity and belonging.

5) Spectacular achievement is preceded by unspectacular preparation.

6) There is no growth in the comfort zone.

7) Our family traditions should reflect our motto, values, and what we want our kids to become.

Lastly, I feel grateful for a bit of new enlightenment.

Being a mom is wonderful, but it can also be overwhelmingly difficult, emotional, and at times even a bitter disappointment and place of frustration. I love that quote by Eleanor Roosevelt who stated, "There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women." I truly believe that the learning circles created by these women at "Power of Moms" are inspired by God. We have to be able to teach what we know, understand, AND feel to each other. It's the only way we are going to be able to get through it.