The Furminator

As you will recall, a while back we had a serious issue with the cats. The resolution eventually involved an extensive Internet search for cat pheromones (love potion no. 9). While searching for ways to make the boys love each other again I ran across the "FURMINATOR". This amazing product claimed to keep your furniture and carpet hair free. Hey, I'm no idiot...fur free? No way. Nonetheless, upon further review...the positive reviews just kept pouring in for this comb.

So there I am at Petsmart on Thursday and there it is...with a 30-day money back guarantee. And it doesn't hurt that I look down at Lachlan and she has little bits of cat hair blowing off of her as she runs down the isles.

Friday morning I set the kids up with their toys, laid out a plastic cover and began to put the furminator to the test. An hour later, the kids were bawling, the cats had retreated to the basement to hide and I was left staring at the biggest ball of fur I have ever seen. In fact, I took these pictures because I didn't think that Jeff would believe me. I put Fritz next to the pile of fur to give you a better idea of how big it was (see picture)...Fritz is not a little kitty, and seriously even then, you can't give the furminator the justice it deserves. I will, however. mention that next time I will wear clothes that can be thrown away because I was covered. I mean COVERED in cat hair. I salvaged the pants, but threw away the t-shirt and socks.

Post Furminator thoughts:

1) Jeff's family despises all indoor pets. They will not understand these photos. They will probably never eat anything I bring to a pot luck dinner ever again.

2) I'm keeping the furminator. No need for the money back guarantee.

3) I wish that I would have had a digital scale. My inner scientist was dying to know how much it weighed.

4) We can only hope that this is just the beginning of a home without too much hair floating around with the dust and other wind-blown objects. And if it isn't...well, we're pretty used to the old way.

Charlie Says Your a Butcher...

I lost two good dermatologists this summer. One had a massive stroke and the other retired. The waiting list to see the "new" guy here in Logan...8 months (gasp). Excuse me, but in my family you have to have moles and cancerous lesions removed every couple of weeks! What's a fair-skinned girl to do?

Desperate times call for desperate measures...meaning I called a guy in Ogden. If you have ever been to downtown Ogden you will know why this is not a desirable health care destination. They had a check-in for the registration desk (on both floors). I was glad that I arrived early. They also wanted to see two forms of identification...supposedly there are some people who don't want to be identified by their dermatological markings. The good news is that once I got through the TSA security checkpoints, Dr. L was Johnny-On-the-Spot. He came rushing in through the door with his "nitrogen blowtorch" (seriously looked like a spot welder). He took one look at my back and said, "This must be the reason your here." I said, "Well, no, but I guess that you are going to cut that off anyway?" "Oh, yes," he replied. Okay, so now I will have another bullet hole scar in my back. He removed a few more spots and then finally asked why I was there? (okay, only 3.6 minutes had passed to this point). I mentioned that I had a bunch of growths (fine, they were warts...ugh) on my left index finger. I wanted them gone. period. Dr. L says, "The only way you can really give a good effort to remove them is to cut off the top layer of skin and burn the surrounding tissue. Then I will give you some venereal wart treatment (he kind of laughs) to use as a topical ointment."

"Wow, cut off the top layer of skin and burn the rest??? Won't that really hurt," I weakly respond. "Nope. Be fine," he says. "What is going to hurt is when I poke this needle into the end of your finger, you're really going to feel that."

Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Pain vs. vanity. Vanity wins. It hurt, but at least he did give me some warning when he said, "pretend that you are biting on a piece of leather." And that's when it occurred to me that Dr. L looked a lot like Sam Elliot (mustache and everything).

But the story doesn't end there, because I still had to go to Costco and Target before going home. And it wasn't until I was in the frozen foods section of the Target (about 45 minutes later) that the anesthetic began to wear off on my finger and I noticed that blood was still dripping out from the bandages. And it did hurt. It hurt like a son of a #%@. It bled for two days. Needless to say, Dr. L lied. I believe that he did it for the sake of time. He wanted me to bite down on that piece of leather and move on down the road.

Moral of the story: If your dermatologist looks like a cowboy, acts like a cowboy and cuts into you like a steer at branding time...well, you better pull your hat down tight my friend.

Today is the Day!

Jack woke up this morning and decided that today he is going to crawl FORWARD!

Look out world here he comes...

Lachlan Boogie-Woogie

Lachlan really likes music. Take it away...

A 2-year-old's Birthday Party

Lachlan did not want to blow out the candles.

She wanted to grab the hot flame between her fingers.
Enjoying a piece of cake. She also enjoyed wiping her hands on her cousin, Aidan.

Major frustration over too much tape...although, not the only tears shed that night.
Notice the wet sleeve: I had to practically bathe her to remove all of the frosting.

Trying out the musical instruments from mom and dad.

#1 Rule: There will be no thank-yous.

#2 Rule: I will scream "MINE" if anyone even tries to touch the presents.

#3 Rule: I will not blow out the candles, but I will try to grab a piece of hot wax.

#4 Rule: I will have a temper tantrum when you try to wipe the frosting from my hands.

#5 Rule: After opening a present I will immediately throw it to the side.

#6 Rule: I will embarass my mother and make her apologize for my behavior.

Yup, Lachlan had her birthday.

She will now tell you (when prompted) that she is "ewh".

We had a nice party, but next year I will serve hard liquor and narcotics.

Peek-A-Boo

Jack moved into Lachlan's crib. This is him checking it out...peeking at me through the bars.

My Happy Baby

Summer Favorites

Corn and Tomatoes

Jack and the Giant Peach

Yup, peaches. Last weekend I canned 36 quarts of peaches and another 6 quarts of peach pie filling. I also went completely insane and bottled 12 half-pints of zucchini relish. I should have tackled the peach jam while I was in the midst of the disaster, but I held off because I couldn't feel the lower half of my body after 6pm. I told myself that I would do the jam today, but as usual, the kids couldn't stand the thought of having to play by themselves...

I wish that I could just think of a really good recipe that needed 30 peaches just smashed up fresh...can you possibly eat that many smoothies for breakfast? It would be much easier than doing the jam, but I will regret it in the middle of winter when I am dying for a piece of fruit that doesn't taste like a cardboard box.

And here is where my wish for the "job fairy" comes in--about once a week (sometimes thrice) I lie down on my bed after the kids have gone to bed and I begin to wish so hard that I could just go to bed and when I wake up....poof...the bad job has been completed. Most nights I am wishing for the dishes. I loathe doing the dishes. Tonight, I am wishing for the peach jam fairy and if possible maybe she could throw in a couple loads of laundry while they are processing. Alas, probably won't happen. Guess I'll have to hold my breath and see if Jeff will take one for the team.

I also wanted to mention that I received the book, "Twilight" by Stephenie Meyer for my birthday. I have to admit that when I first got it I was VERY skeptical. I love to read, but generally do not read fiction--let alone a story about a girl who falls in love with a vampire!!?? Even worse--sci-fi--aauuggh! BUT, I am saying stop the presses...I LOVED IT. I loved it so much that I stayed up until midnight last night because I HAD to know how it ended. It absolutely killed me not to flip to the ending. I used up all my remaining willpower and it was worth it! In all seriousness, this book is in my top five. And I plan to re-read it--maybe this week. Erica, this is a must read for you. I already told Susie that I would read, "The Confessions of Charlottle Doyle" if she would read this one. Holy crap, can you believe it? The only thing I can say is that once you start you better be ready to pull in a couple of late nights because you won't be able to put it down...and you can take that to the bank!

P.S. I love you Edward Cullens. :)

Life in Fast Forward

It has been a few weeks since our last post. Just as a rewind, Lachlan has a new found affection for stickers. She found some monogrammed ones in the basement. This one she placed on top of her brother's head. The others made their way onto the cats, carpet, mirrors and the bottom of her shoes.

We have been to numerous parades and summer festivals. This is a picture at the Wellsville All-Horse Parade. The kids love horses and we heard that it was the 2nd largest horse parade in the state. We were thrilled with our front row seating and couldn't figure out why there weren't a ton of people...I mean, come on, it's a horse parade?! Well, there were exactly 15 horses, 8 mules, 2 miniature ponies and a couple of kids carrying pygmy goats. It lasted all of 13 minutes. Guess they want to leave you wanting more.

Lachlan and I attended our first mother/daughter activity at the church. She made this crown. Well, she licked all of the fake jewels and ate some of the puff paint. It was sooo cute on her. I'm glad I took this picture because shortly after she tore it up into a million pieces and started to whip Jack with the head strap.

This picture is for Jen and Carrie. We went out to dinner for my birthday. We had a long conversation about being honest with yourself and how sometimes you need to admit that life is (beep). Girls, you are such heroes to me. I love you. And I just want you to know that my children are in this picture, you probably just can't see them. Oh, and if anyone working for DFS is happening upon this blog--oops, sorry. They at least have been fed and they are well-cared for at least one day a week (when they go to Aunt Susie's house).

Okay, when I was a kid I distinctly remember happening upon a sheep that had tipped over in a large ditch. She got on her back and couldn't get up...and she died there. It was so sad and quite frankly, pathetic, in an animalistic sort of way. Well, last weekend I fell in a ditch at the Farmer's Market. I fell so hard that I couldn't get up and I had to lay there until Jeff could lift me into the car. I would like to say that it was just one of those things, but all I can think about is that I ate way too much at the IHOP (we went there for breakfast)... that's what I get for not being faithful to my POINTS!

It was my birthday. Jeff made me a wonderful cake. I decided to post this cute picture of Jack enjoying the birthday party. I pretty much look the same way when someone sets a cake in front of me--it just looks gross on a 32-year-old woman.

Last, but not least, I've started to go back to work one-day-a-week. Susie watches the kids. They love it. I'm not sure whether it's because they hang out with her and Sierra, or because they love to bury their faces in Pepper's fur. At any rate, by the time I pick them up they fall asleep in their car seats before we even back out of the driveway. I'm so lucky to have her. It is a huge relief to know that the kids are happy and being taken care of...

Oh, and Jack started to take his first steps while holding my hands tonight. I can't believe it. I remember the first time I held him up by his arms and tried to get him to move his legs. They just sort of drug-along like they were painted on...I seriously thought to myself, "they might not ever move!" Tonight he picked them up and walked along like he has been practicing for months. It literally took my breath away.