Lachlan Helps Jesus

The Murray Family Christmas Party and live nativity...wherein Lachlan steals baby Jesus. We were equal parts laughing and embarrassed.

Jack and Lachlan, in Christmas Eve jammies, reading books with Dad. Jack has his "breever."

Twelve Days of Chaos

We celebrated the twelve days of Christmas this year. I decided that I would get something very small for the kids each day. I put it in a large Christmas box and then I would set it outside and ring the doorbell. The kids went ballistic whenever the doorbell rang because they were so excited to see what Santa had left them. I tried to keep the gifts simple (stocking ideas) so that it wouldn't be complete overload. We really had fun.

My favorite night was the night that Jack got his Elmo "big boy" underwear. He had been asking if he could have "big girl panties" for quite some time so I thought--WTH, he can wear them over top of his diaper. If anything maybe he'll get an urge to sit on the toilet and do something other than unroll the paper. He was OVER THE MOON excited for his Elmo underwear. This video was shot shortly after he got them on. He spun and danced for about 40 minutes. After the dancing he decided that wearing one pair wasn't good enough, so he put another pair on, and another, and another--this picture is with his 4th pair of underwear on. I didn't dare put another pair on for fear that it would start to cut off vital circulation to an extremity...he cried. I felt terrible so I let him carry the other three pairs with him around the house.

Lachlan got some "high heeled" shoes (just like mommy's, she declared). The shoes were hilarious. It was so hard not to laugh as she tried to walk around in them. She only wore them for a short time because she has a serious fear of falling down. The video reflects the image of a woman with peg legs walking on ice. The shoes were completely dismantled (another of her true talents) by the next afternoon. At least we got the moment on video. The socks are completely reminiscent of her Chinese heritage...

Gym Crush

I rarely want to be other women. As a general rule, I stick to the concept that you would rather have your own problems than someone else's BUT I have a crush. There is this woman who works out at the gym at the same time I do....and I want to have THAT body! Not in, I'm becoming a lesbian way, just in the "oh, my gosh I can't believe that she can do that" kind of way. This woman is so physically strong--I know that I am staring at her. I try to make it as inconspicuous as possible but there are times when I realize that I have stopped what I am doing (lifting my sad 12 pound weights) and I am literally staring slack jawed and my breathing is almost non-existent! I can't help it!!

I am not a fan of the uber-skinny person sweating it out on the elliptical for 75 minutes. There are plenty of those women at my gym. These women are genetic anomalies for the most part. The practicality of my personality it acutely aware that I will never wear a size 6 pair of pants. Besides, I enjoy eating. The smooth creaminess of chocolates, crispy saltiness of potato chips, tartness of a good vinaigrette salad dressing--fast food, slow food, clean food, commercially grown and processed, pasteurized, raw, gourmet, homemade--I like it all! There are very few things that I enjoy more than a good meal. The ultimate satisfaction.

The downside of course, becomes that I still haven't lost all the baby weight (even though I no longer have a baby) and I need to come to grips that it is going to take some real work to get back into my cute clothes. Yeah, I still have them in the closet and if I don't get on it they won't be so cute when I try to wear them in another decade.

So where does the crush come into all of this? The crush is who I want, who I hope that I have the determination to become--something realistic. The crush can do crossover lunges with 15 pound weights in each hand. aauuggh. Unbelievable! I can live with big thighs if they could do that! At least you could say that they were big for a reason--

Having a crush is very exciting. In the past, I have been highly motivated to learn new things to be a part of "their world." Maybe this will be the catalyst that will help me to do crunches with the medicine ball. At the worst, this woman will have to find another gym because she can feel the weirdos staring at her.

Winter Weather

We've had some fantastic winter storms. Jack can't even see over the snow in our yard. Lachlan can keep her gloves on so she enjoys making slides and snowmen. For some reason she really wanted to sit on top of this one...?

Santa Comes to Our Party

Okay, so my graphics are a little sketchy...this is literally the first time Jack and Lachlan have ever seen Santa in the flesh. The local church party started out with the university carolers. They were all dressed up in period costume and they sang in four part harmony--that alone nearly blew Lachlan's mind. She danced and sang...literally couldn't take her eyes off of them. In fact, she followed them right out the door when they were leaving. She later told me, "mama, next time, my ging (sing) wif dem." I almost got choked up.

The best part, however, was when Santa came shouting into the building. Jeff put Lachlan up on his shoulders so that she could see above the 400 other children. She, however, was yelling far louder than anyone else. She kept saying, "mama, daddy, Santa's here. He came to our party. Look, it's Santa. He came to our party!" Jack's mouth just hung open and he immediately butted to the front of the line. Only one little boy managed to get in front of him and run up to hug Santa--that was enough of a go-ahead for Jack. He marched right up to Santa and hopped on his lap. He nodded that he had been a good boy and when Santa asked what he wanted for Christmas he said, "another party." The kid loves a good party. Lachlan shoved her way to the front after she saw Jack get on Santa's lap, but she got a little nervous when it was her turn. Jeff told her that Santa had candy and she immediately hopped on his lap and told him that she wanted "two presents." Yeah, I never let on that she could be real specific with the gift. Much easier to shop for... When she was done with Santa she was really proud of being brave. She kept telling me, "mama, I not cry ."

Attempted Alphabet

She's got the tune...still working on the words.

How We Really Celebrate

This video was made especially for my family. The rest of you can enter it into your "now I've seen everything" file.

Boys and Guns

Given my background you would think that this wouldn't bother me so much...but it does. Jack has been given swords, guns and fake ammo by "friends"--these items have (up until now) been banned from the house. I am not a fan of violence--even pretend violence. And yet, despite my efforts, he has found a way to make weapons out of everything. I even caught him "shooting" Lachlan with a plastic alphabet letter. WTH!

Here he is holding her at gunpoint while he steps on her periodically with his shoe. Are you kidding me?

What's a mother to do? I had to make an executive decision. I decided that a foam sword would be less obtrusive than guns--and I saw a bunch of them for $1 at Dollar Land. I figured it was a compromise. He LOVES that sword. He carries it with him all day long. I caught him "riding" the arm of the couch with his sword. He told me, "my go to Seeping Booty castle and get the dragon, otay, mama?!" With only slight alarm I answered, "fantastic, you are Prince Phillip!" He was so proud of his hero status--now armed with a real sword. How could you take that away from a kid??!!

And just for full disclosure, I made Jeff pull over on the way home so that I could buy 4 more swords from Dollar Land. I would hate for him to go to battle without one.

The House that Gluttony Built

Aaah, the sin of gluttony. Never was it more apparent than in a child's gingerbread house. We made these prior to the big day. I left them out until 12:01AM on Christmas morning and then I threw them out. They held significantly less candy at the end than in the beginning. I couldn't keep Jack out of it. Stale candy (and even worse, stale candy that has been sitting out in the open air for several weeks) seriously makes me overly nauseated. If I were ever on a show like Fear Factor and they said, "take a bite of this old sour patch kid that has been sitting out for a week and win a million dollars..." well, I could do it for a million dollars but I would be dry-heaving as if it were a rotten pair of socks. At any rate, to note the vast difference in my son, Jack would gobble down that pair of filthy socks and the sour patch kid and then look around to see if any were still hiding underneath the dishwasher.

The spoils.
Lachlan: Living the dream.

Lachlan couldn't understand why I wanted her to put more candy on her house. She put 10 random candies on and then declared "my done now." She then proceeded to eat 2.5 pounds of licorice string.

This is Jack's house. He didn't put one candy on it. Wouldn't even try. Couldn't tear himself away from the Smarties, Neccos and gum drops. Oh, have mercy on us...we go to the dentist in two weeks. If we walk away without silver grills it will be a Christmas miracle. The gingerbread cookie doormen only stood watch for 5-6 days tops--to his credit Jack only ate one of them. Ernst ate the other one in a fit of late night mischief.

This sinner will remain anonymous, but can't you just see the devil smiling.

Jeff missed part of the party. He was trying to finish the tile in our basement. Jack and Lachlan were very excited to show off their creations.

Merry Christmas!

I try hard to keep the Christmas card list up to date, but I know that there are a few people whom I have forgotten. Please forgive. The above photo was enclosed with this message:

We are happy to have survived another year in good health and fortune. Jack is very excited to be 2 years old next month. He is a genius child who can sing his ABC's and count to twelve...seriously (not even his biased mother would lie about it!) He is obsessed with Sleeping Beauty and Robin Hood and prays every night for Elmo, Cookie Monster, Big Bird, and Grover. He loves his blankie, stuffed dog and a good chocolate milk bottle. Lachlan (3) focuses all her spare time on learning songs. She has mastered the following: "A Part of Your World," Little Mermaid; "Tomorrow," Annie Theme Song; "Head, Shoulders, Knees & Toes," "Jingle Bells," "So Long, Farewell," Sound of Music; and "Give Said the Little Stream." The other half of her life is spent running from her brother so that she doesn't get wrestled to the ground. She also loves her blanket and bubble gum. She goes to preschool with Miss Wendy and it is the highlight of her week. We are so grateful for your love and friendship. We wish you the best in the coming year!
Much Love.

Prayers Answered

See what a little religion can do....hallelujah!

Family Picture Day

Calling all religous people....

Tomorrow morning we will embark on the precarious family picture day. We have two locations selected for outdoor photos. Lachlan already cried when we went through the dress rehearsal this afternoon. She told me that her coat was too small and "my no like it, whaaa." The coat is NOT too small. It just doesn't have a picture of Mickey Mouse or that frickin' frackin' Elmo on it.

Pray for us. Count the Rosary. Visit the Synagogue. Watch an episode of Oprah. These are desperate times.

Too Gross?

I spied on the garbage man.

I watched him drive over the garbage can with his truck. Our garbage spilled all over the road.

Apparently, my trash is so disgusting that he couldn't bear to touch it. He picked up every single piece with this tool.

It left me thinking two things:

1) Are you paid by the hour?

2) Shouldn't gloves be part of the uniform?

Christmas Gift Series: No.2

Raven Maps.

If I ever win the Idaho lottery, I'm buying every single map they have ever, or will ever create. We have several framed maps in our home. This was the first gift that I ever gave Jeff when we were dating...and I gave it with the real intent of keeping it in the family (if you know what I mean...) I love maps. Old, new, historic, vintage, nautical. Can there possibly be anything more interesting in one's home??


This IS the gift for travelers, wishers, dreamers, and analytical weirdos (you know who you are). I recommend that you order the laminated version. They are easily framed on foam core with a cheaper frame. I've even wiped mine down with a damp cloth to keep it dust free. The maps are huge, so if you plan on getting a frame with glass it is going to cost you--and for heaven's sake, don't go to your local Michael's to have it done. This isn't something you put a big heavy mat around. Simple is best. Let this incredible piece of artwork speak for itself.

Oh, beautiful maps. I love you.

Mutterings...

We enjoyed Thanksgiving with Nanny Carver. I wanted to have a nice family history photograph, but I waited too long. Jack was out cold by the time I got around to getting the camera out. And by cold, I mean, drool coming out of his mouth and snoring. For a kid who still takes two naps every day--turkey day really took it out of him. I think that Grandma looks incredible in these pictures!

I'm so grateful for my sisters. We took this pic last month, but I wanted to make sure and post it because I finally don't look like I'm completely frazzled and old...which is generally how I look. ha.ha. Sounds so self-serving--seriously though, we are all so different, and yet, exactly the same.

I could list a million reasons to move from this valley. And then, I remember why I can never leave...

Christmas Gift Ideas: A Series

I know that many of you are looking for great Christmas gift ideas. I have a few favorite "go to" spots that I wanted to make sure that you all knew about...

The first selection is probably one of the most incredible organizations. Heifer Project International, is a organization dedicated to ending world poverty and hunger. I have been associated with them for nearly 10 years--their programs are changing lives!

"Gifts" of cows, sheep, chickens, rabbits, geese, goats, water buffalo, guinea pigs, etc., are given to families along with the proper training to begin to raise the animals for food, as well as increased income from profit-added products like cheese or fabric. The gift of ducks (for example) can be given for as little as $20. Duck and goose eggs are not very common in our "world", but they form the cornerstone of a healthy diet for millions of children around the world. Ducks are great creatures--good for both people and the environment. Ducks add protein to a diet from eating eggs, money in their pockets from selling eggs and ducks, and better crops in the fields, as ducks remove weeds and bugs and add fertilizer. In Xiang Qian, China, ducks are as much as tripling some families' incomes. People like Zonglin Zhou began with a starter flock of ducklings, and now they manage hundreds of ducks that enable them to send their children to school and offer them secure futures! The best part is that every family who receives a gift, in return, passes on the gift to another family in their community--it keeps passing forward!

This Christmas, what a wonderful way to honor a friend or loved one with a flock of ducks, or couple of sheep, a llama or goat--sent in their name to a family in need.

Go to this website, Heifer.org and check out their "Giving Catalog." If you're still not convinced, check out this book titled, Beatrice's Goat (available from Amazon.com). It's the true story of a girl who earned enough money from her Heifer project goat, that she was able to attend school. If you prefer, you can also purchase the 60 Minutes special presentation where they interview Beatrice about her experience with Heifer Project.

A Presumed Obituary

I suppose that you reach a point when what you say is "hope" is really nothing more than denial.
I haven't been able to post anything because I keep hoping that he is just going to be on the front porch in the morning. I think that I knew it wasn't going to end well after the third day, but I'd hoped anyway. And so I'm finally going to let it go...

Mr. Fritz Murray, a beloved member of our family, once thought to be missing in action is now listed as presumed dead. Fritz (and his brother Ernst) were being given away in front of the local mall in the winter of 2001. I had never intended to pick up some cats on that particular trip, but I was afraid that they would be left by the dumpster if I didn't take them. They were barely 7 weeks old. I had to build a ramp for them to get into the litter box in our apartment. Jeff was less than thrilled with the arrival, but as always, went along with it anyway.

The funny thing is that I always had an aversion for long-haired cats. When I got them home I thought that Fritz's hair was going to be a nightmare--
His hair ruined many things, but he was my favorite. He would ask to be held. And didn't take no for an answer--he would literally jump into your arms if you looked him straight in the eye. He liked to sleep with his paws tucked underneath my neck and he never stopped purring when he was happy. He could purr for hours until he literally fell into sound sleep. He liked to sleep in strange places, buried in the clean laundry, on top of the "cushy" chair, in the towel closet. He knew how to jump up and turn on the lights. It was a tense couple of weeks until we discovered that it was him turning them on and off during the day--we discovered it when he kept crying to be fed at 6AM and we wouldn't get out of bed (before kids, obviously) and he got mad and jumped up and turned on the lights. Needless to say, we were astonished and at the same time, proud of his intelligence.

Fritz was a terrible hunter. Caught a lot of mice, never killed a one. I honestly believe that he didn't know how--thought that his food came from the supermarket. He was a lover, not a fighter. He loved Bruce. And Bruce loved him. Bruce sat patiently looking out the front window, waiting for him to return, for two full weeks. He still cries at night for him. His loneliness has been so painful and I hope that he can eventually reconcile the loss. Watching him grieve has been incredibly sad and it makes the denial even worse.

It has been a rough week for pets. It is a relief that I believe in pet heaven...when you grow up on a farm you carve out a special niche for animals at a young age. I'm hopeful that Fritz is up there with Lucy and Rusty...and a myriad of other beloved friends. Lachlan asked if Jesus would take care of Fritz--I told her that he wouldn't have a choice. Cats are like that...

So with heavy hearts and a hope in something greater than ourselves we bid our dear friend, goodbye. I hope that the angels have a Furminator...they're going to need one.

In Flanders Fields

In Flanders Fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders fields.

Written by: Lieutenant Colonel John McCrae, MD (1872-1918) Canadian Army

"In Flanders Fields" remains to this day one of the most memorable war poems ever written. It is a lasting legacy of the terrible battle in the Ypres salient in the spring of 1915. Here is the story of the making of that poem:
Although he had been a doctor for years and had served in the South African War, it was impossible to get used to the suffering, the screams, and the blood here, and Major John McCrae had seen and heard enough in his dressing station to last him a lifetime. As a surgeon attached to the 1st Field Artillery Brigade, Major McCrae, who had joined the McGill faculty in 1900 after graduating from the University of Toronto, had spent seventeen days treating injured men -- Canadians, British, Indians, French, and Germans -- in the Ypres salient. It had been an ordeal that he had hardly thought possible. McCrae later wrote of it:
"I wish I could embody on paper some of the varied sensations of that seventeen days... Seventeen days of Hades! At the end of the first day if anyone had told us we had to spend seventeen days there, we would have folded our hands and said it could not have been done." One death particularly affected McCrae. A young friend and former student, Lieut. Alexis Helmer of Ottawa, had been killed by a shell burst on 2 May 1915. Lieutenant Helmer was buried later that day in the little cemetery outside McCrae's dressing station, and McCrae had performed the funeral ceremony in the absence of the chaplain. The next day, sitting on the back of an ambulance parked near the dressing station beside the Canal de l'Yser, just a few hundred yards north of Ypres, McCrae vented his anguish by composing a poem. The major was no stranger to writing, having authored several medical texts besides dabbling in poetry. In the nearby cemetery, McCrae could see the wild poppies that sprang up in the ditches in that part of Europe, and he spent twenty minutes of precious rest time scribbling fifteen lines of verse in a notebook. A young soldier watched him write it. Cyril Allinson, a twenty-two year old sergeant-major, was delivering mail that day when he spotted McCrae. The major looked up as Allinson approached, then went on writing while the sergeant-major stood there quietly. "His face was very tired but calm as we wrote," Allinson recalled. "He looked around from time to time, his eyes straying to Helmer's grave." When McCrae finished five minutes later, he took his mail from Allinson and, without saying a word, handed his pad to the young NCO. Allinson was moved by what he read:
"The poem was exactly an exact description of the scene in front of us both. He used the word blow in that line because the poppies actually were being blown that morning by a gentle east wind. It never occurred to me at that time that it would ever be published. It seemed to me just an exact description of the scene."
In fact, it was very nearly not published. Dissatisfied with it, McCrae tossed the poem away, but a fellow officer retrieved it and sent it to newspapers in England. The Spectator, in London, rejected it, but Punch published it on 8 December 1915.

Have You Seen Me?

Mr. Fritz Murray has been missing since Thursday afternoon. He escaped through the garage door in a moment of chaotic "car-loading." I've cased the neighborhood. Snooped through barns, construction sites and backyards. Driven slowly down the main highway looking for his smashed corpse...where are you?? He had his collar on--a quick release, so at least I know that he didn't hang himself. He's got a microchip, but no one from the vet has called me..I know, I've checked the caller-ID every two hours just to make sure.

I even prayed.

I didn't sleep last night. I kept feeling like I should go turn on the porch light for him.

Why is it always the favorite pet that goes first? That cat had style. He would jump into your arms on command--that's talent for a cat.

I keep telling myself that my mom's cats sometimes leave for weeks and then return unscathed...but I just don't think that Fritz is like ol' scarface Ricky and he definitely doesn't have dementia like Ms. Kitty, and let's not even get started on Willie Nelson, that cat took a dog's eye out over some 99 cent cat food. Fritz is to friendly for an unfortunate "run-in" with another animal. He would just roll over and start purring. He's too dumb for violent behavior.

If you see him, let him know that we miss him...seriously, you better call me so that I can load up the kids for an "incredible journey" moment. Here's hoping that Disney was on to something....

sigh.

Make Time for Music!

When I was in middle school my younger sisters (S & S) were involved in an elementary school "production" it was a school-wide patriotic presentation. They sang songs about Paul Revere, The Challenger space shuttle disaster, the Armed Forces, and general small town pride. I can say, without a doubt, that to this day both sisters can sing every word of "Forty-Hour Week" by Alabama because of that school program. Even now, over two decades have past and I remember sitting in the high school auditorium and feeling so moved by the songs they sang. I remember at the end of the program they sang "God Bless the USA" (with Lee Greenwood on backup) and they turned out the lights and held up glowing stars...wow, teary eye moment for sure...

Folks, if you didn't make it to the NS Elementary school production back in the 1980's...this is your chance to redeem yourself. If you were there, well, that means your family and you better just plan on being there to support me this time. Seriously, the arrangements of the songs are so incredible--there are moments when I can't even breathe...it will be worth the drive. I promise.

Now, for those hard-core music lovers, there is also the Requiem. The performance will be next Saturday. It's sung in Latin. I'm not a huge latin lover (except for the Messiah), however, I have learned an incredible respect for this amazing piece of music. Jessop is such an incredible director, his knowledge of Mozart and his ability to translate the words into the feeling of the movement are amazing. On a personal level, being able to accomplish a piece of music like this is a personal achievement--so I will be patting myself on the back for this small success. Yeah, for me. (p.s. I'll share the glow if you will come and see it.)

Flat Tire...

Oh, my gosh...I broke the blog. Sorry for all of you who have been trying to read the blog for the past several hours. I tried to do some minor repairs and ended up taking out everything but the kitchen sink. She seems to be water-tight for now--I haven't checked to see how it looks on Firefox. uggh. Firefox and I go way back, and it's been a rough relationship.

At any rate, I have a headache from reading code. I really should have taken a programming class by now--eek. I hate to even say it out loud for fear that I will actually have to do it.

Goodnight, Bush

Finally.

Not only is he the best person for the job, but this is a historic moment. I couldn't be more pleased that my children will get to live through an era where we move to an even greater level of equality. I was so moved last night as I watched hundreds of thousands of people all over the world, the world, not just the United States, but the world over, celebrate the transition of an American president.

Yeah, I'm excited.

Ms. O'Leary

I almost burned the house down last night. I dropped a small paring knife with a plastic handle inside the oven. It fell down into the heating vents on our gas stove. It went down so far and the oven was so hot that it ignited. Black smoke was pouring out of the oven--and the whole interior was filled with flame. I'll be completely honest when I say that I didn't have a clue what I should do. There aren't a lot of safety tips for lighting a piece of plastic on fire. I grabbed the fire extinguisher from under the kitchen sink, but as quickly as the fire started it went out.

There were shards of melted plastic covering every surface in the kitchen. This morning I found a giant black ring of toxic something coating the edge of the stove. Jeff took apart the oven and the only remaining trace of the knife was the tip of the metal blade.

It's about 35 degrees outside and I have every door and window open. I'm trying to get rid of the smell. I'd take the kids outside until it is better, but it is so cold that we are just going to take our chances and bump up our antioxidant intake for the next few days.

What it Really Means...

Let's just recap...so yesterday, Jeff comes home from work and says,"Hi, (he's happy and smiling) how was your day?"

Me: "Long." (picture me looking like Phyllis Diller only older and smelling of cat puke and dirty diapers)

Now I know that there are many of you out there who have given this same response. Perhaps, some of you say it every single day and think it nearly every hour. I've decided to delve into the real significance of the word. And for the men, yeah, this is why we are eating sloppy joes for breakfast, lunch and dinner, why you are sleeping in dirty sheets, showering with sharp toys, why you get yelled at for parking on the left side of the garage and for turning off a hall light, why your wife never wants to go hike up to the reflectors or help you grind concrete in the basement.

This is why the day is long.

7:00-7:30: Wake up to Elmo's World. (already, we enter an alternative universe) Elmo learns about the importance of hands. Jack drinks a chocolate milk.

7:30-8:30: Jeff off to work. Lachlan eats cheese for breakfast. Jack will not eat breakfast. I try to put a piece of toast in his mouth and he gags so violently that I hold my breath because I'm afraid that the chocolate milk is going to come up.

8:30-9:00: Lachlan sits on the toilet. Nothing happening, so I get her dressed and help her make the bed. Jack cries because he doesn't want to get dressed or have his diaper changed. He wants to jump on Lachlan's bed and "snip" off our noses like a blackbird.

9:00-9:30: Read Hop on Pop to Jack. Lachlan runs around screaming, "no, pat, no...no, sit on that!" Try to put Jack down for a nap.

9:45: Jack yelling, "mama, where are ya?" No nap.

10:00-10:30: While doing the laundry I discover that the cat has had a "digestive disorder" on the clean underwear. Fantastic. Give children crayons to color while I clean up "problem."

10:30-11:00: Discover kids have colored all over the hardwood floor. Use Mr. Clean Eraser to clean up. Lachlan tells me that Jack also colored on her bedroom door. A tattle, but she's right. Before I can clean up the door, the Jehovah's Witnesses stop by to offer their message. Lachlan answers the door so we visit. While talking I notice that a dead mouse is on our front porch--great.

11:30-1:00: Start a load of laundry. Start the dishwasher. Put a hat on hair. Fix chicken soup for the kids' lunch. Susie calls. I walk out of the room for 4 minutes. Jack decides to wear his soup and rub it into the front of his shirt. When I come in the room, Lachlan is yelling, "no, Jack, no" and Jack is yelling, "stop, Lolo, timeout!" Wash Jack, change his clothes. Wash Lachlan, sit her on the toilet. Lay Jack down for a nap. Wipe Lachlan, lay her down for a nap. Eat cold soup and Ritz crackers while standing up staring the kitchen table, which is covered in chicken slime and wet rice. Wish that I had only eaten the crackers.

1:00-3:00: Make a shopping list. Read email from work (instantly wish that I hadn't). More laundry. Decide to make a peach cobbler for dinner. Realize that the peaches have rotted-experience moment of disappointment and guilt for wasted summer fruit. Empty kitchen garbage. Find another "digestive moment"--this time downstairs on the newly installed office flooring. Curse Ernie's life. Throw all cats outside.

3:00-4:00: Kids awake. Jack starving, but only wants fruit snacks. Lachlan begging for gum. Both kids get gum. Load in the car to go to the store. Push around bulky, backward steering "car cart" so that they will stay occupied for at least 10 minutes. Jack tries to put his gum in his pocket, "tav it, mama" Cries when I take it away. I do most of the shopping while holding his chewed gum. The pharmacy says that the perscription meds are not ready so we wait while the kids try to pull vitamins off of the shelves. I feel like I might need to cry a little bit. Don't have a clue what we are going to have for dinner...

4:00-5:30: Unload kids and groceries. Throw potatoes in the microwave. Jack crying and holding onto my leg while I walk around the kitchen. Phone is ringing. Brian Williams is talking recession. Decide to make the cobbler with canned peaches. Cutting up vegetables, wiping off the table from lunch. Run the vacuum underneath the table. Tell Lachlan that if she doesn't get out from under the table that I will have to kill her. Take Jack's hands out of the garbage can, tell him to get out of the bathroom, stop biting Lachlan, stop pushing her, stop looking at her.....finally tell Lachlan to just bite him back. Both kids are begging for Elmo's World and Mickey Mouse. I start to think, "I'll show you Mickey Mouse..."

5:45: Jeff home.

Was it the worst day? Not even close...just long. Did I cry? Nope. But I did have that moment at Maceys where I gave some serious consideration to sitting down by the IcyHot and just checking out. All the self-help, super happy people say that they just make time to recharge (i.e., time for self)--when exactly do they do that? I just don't really see myself saying, "Okay, Lachlan you sit here on the toilet and do your thing while your brother unrolls 25 rolls of toilet paper and mommy is going to lock herself in her room and have a mini pedicure and read the Bible." It's kind of like when Susie read that book about how to have a happier marriage and it said that when you are really angry you should just say a prayer. Her first thought, "What a cop-out!"--yeah, I read the book, it's what I thought too. Maybe it says something about our genetics, but perhaps it's just that when your mad/tired/worn out what you want to do is punch the wall (Becca) and not relax and have a prayer, or a pedicure.

Oh, well. At least we're all here in Elmo's World together. I'm holding out for the episode where Elmo learns that his mom is saving for his college fund so she can take a cruise and make a craft room out of his bedroom.

Murray Pagan Rituals

Jeff has a lot of relatives. As in--there are so many of them that you really aren't sure whether that is his sister's kid, his niece's boy, or that's one of the three Nephites. It really doesn't matter because they all live within a 2-mile square radius of each other so sooner or later you are going to pronounce someone's name wrong (or forget it altogether). Due to the fact that a family get-together will involve 18 phone calls from Gae, three food assignments from Karen and a centerpiece display from Jolene--they don't really celebrate real holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas. They prefer to stick to the strictly pagan celebrations--like Halloween.

I've never really liked Halloween. When you grow up in the middle of nowhere, Hallow's Eve amounts to putting a winter coat and snow pants over your costume and having your mom drive you around in a brown Ford LTD. It's not exactly as fun as it appears on television. Especially when, after about 30 minutes, you are tired of getting out of the car every half mile for a stale popcorn ball. There was that one year when mom took us to the big city (Idaho Falls) and we went door to door with Val and Kim. Oh, that was really living. We had shopping bags full of treats. It was even warm enough to actually stay outside after dark! That Halloween actually ruined me though, after that I knew what I was missing and it made the whole night even worse.

I digress, so last Friday we went to the annual scare fest. I hadn't tried on the kid's costumes until about an hour before the party. Jack's was too small and I couldn't even get the zipper to go all the way up--fortunately, he was so excited to be a tiger--actually, he was even more excited to take a purse to the party. I made the mistake of calling it a purse, rather than a "candy bag" or something not so weirdo. He was REALLY excited about the purse. Lachlan's giraffe costume was perfect. I'm so glad that I bought the larger size at the last minute. The butt of that giraffe was so funny. I've got some hilarious video of her running and that booty is shifting side to side. I know that it is exactly what my rear looks like when I jog--so it really was the scariest thing of the whole night! Jeff dressed as a safari guide. Both of the kids said that they did not like his hat and that he should take it off and it should "stay home."

Here's some of the party highlights. I should have taken a picture of one of the relatives who dressed as a "hamburger knight" (don't ask me what it was all about)-he had a hamburger costume with a knight helmet and a sword. Jack was terrified and ran from him all night. He also decided that he just wanted to run around in his underwear after about 30 minutes of the tiger outfit. I'm nervous that he won't want to put it on for the real deal--I'll have to start with the brainwashing. Shown below: Claire and Irene dressed up for church and L and dad show off their vampire teeth.

My favorite part of the night is watching the kids eat a donut off of a string. Last year, Lachlan must have eaten a dozen donuts. This year, she was already overdosed by the time we got to that point, but she took one for the team and dry-heaved her way to glory. Jack took a couple of bites, but then decided that he would go back for more pencils. Yeah, pencils. He's got quite a collection. He filled up the front of his onesie with pencils and then told me "put 'em in pocket, mom."