The Troubles with Nonfiction

Years ago, I purchased the book, My Mom's A Vet. It's your basic version of elementary career-based nonfiction. A solid authentic portrayal in the day of a country veterinarian. I've always had it in my office as a reference book of sorts for building lesson plans.

This morning Jack was asking if he could sit on my lap while I worked. I was desperately trying to finish a lesson plan so I told him to select a book from my shelf and read it.

He picked one with really great pictures.


(this is my childhood revisited in this photograph--if I had a nickel for every tail that I held "out of the way...")
I heard him say, "What is that!?"

I said, "It is a baby calf being born."

"From its BUTT?!"

"No, it's a special hole for the baby to come out of..."

"It it looks terrible!"

I did my best matter-of-fact detailing of what was happening in each picture. We also discussed belly-buttons (he calls it the buddy-bellen). I figured that I did a pretty good job because he said, "Okay, can I go now," with a complete dead-pan tone.

After lunch, I heard him telling Lachlan to come and see "the new-boren baby dinosaurs." He told her to hurry so that he could get the wet slime off of them before they choked to death.

[sigh]

Crafter Step-by-Step

Cooking and Crafting

It all started when I purchased a SAD light (seasonal affective disorder). I had a 50 thousand-mile check up back in November and I told Dr. T that I needed something to get me through the winter. I can't say it any plainer than I HATE the winters in the valley. It isn't the snow--skiing has been great--it generally isn't the cold, although I do have my limits. It is the daylight. The lack of it.

Last winter at this time I instituted the Ladies Luncheon--it was a selfish motivation to get other women to come over for a few hours and chat it up. It was either get out of the funk or take a bath with the hair dryer. It still wasn't enough. My anxiety was through the roof. I would lay in bed at night just praying that my brain would shut down long enough for me to get a couple hours of sleep...and then I couldn't wake up...and I needed a two hour nap every day. Ugh. I wasn't going to do it again.

Fortunately, Dr. T wrote me a prescription for the "magic" light. I ordered one from Costco online and I turned it on and gave a little prayer that it would change my life and solve all of my problems. Solve all my problems? no. Change my miserable winter existence? Yes! Hallelujah! Thank you for this miracle of science!! Hey, you can think whatever you want--this thing is amazing. I sit in front of this light for 40 minutes every morning and in exchange I have less anxiety, better sleep patterns, and depression--what depression?! Yeah!

The main side effect has been that I am WIDE awake at 530AM and I am crawling into bed at 9PM--but during the day I don't feel like I'm going to fall asleep during my third episode of White Collar.

And here's where the cooking and crafting come into play. You see, waking up that early has changed lunch from noon to 1130AM. I'm starving because I ate breakfast at 630AM. Which means that --now don't judge me--- I turn on Studio 5 while I fix everyone lunch.

I know. This is alarming on so many levels. Darin and Brooke are the world's two biggest idiots. Their reactions to Becky Low's Jello Cheesecakes make me want to VIM. Hey, Becky and I go way back to the Dairy Council days and I'm just sayin' her cheesecake ain't that good. Over the past few weeks I have had my intelligence insulted, my taste disgusted, and my regard for "Utah Mormon" television appalled....nevertheless, I have gleened a few ideas for crafty projects and even one new recipe.

Hence the following:

Project #1: Yarn and Felt Wreath (Sidenote: When Jeff saw it he got a funny look on his face and said, "Did you steal that from your great-grandmother's house?" Then we both laughed really hard because it was the perfect statement. The wreath is growing on me, but I keep wondering why I thought that it would be super cute)

Crafty Level: easy

Cost: $9 wreath frame, $2.50 for yarn, $1.00 for felt--plus three hours of icing down hand to deal with the pain of a second-degree burn from the hot glue.

Project #2: Insect Collage

I wanted an initial for Jack's room remodel. I purchased a bunch of frogs and lizards from the dollar store and returned for more punishment with the glue gun.

Crafty Level: easy

Cost: $8 for cardboard letter, $4 for plastic toys

Project #3: Hot Chocolate Monkey Bread

I love monkey bread. I actually think that it is possible for me to eat an entire bundt pan full of it. This particular recipe asks you to cut the rolls in half and fill them with chocolate chips. Then you roll them in hot chocolate before placing them in the pan. After that, its just nuts, brown sugar and butter. It was so good that I made Jeff take the rest of it to the office this morning because I can't be home alone with it.

Crafty level: moderate, because it did take a while to fill the dough with chocolate

Cost: $6 for Rhodes rolls at Costco, the rest I had in the cupboard.

Project #4: Room Remodel

This is the official unveiling of Jack's room remodel (remember the old red room?). I painted the walls a neutral, added a blue racing stripe, had the curtains dry cleaned, ordered some dinosaur wall vinyls, purchased a book shelf at DownEast and a side table with lamp at Target. Truthfully, it didn't take me two full weeks to get it finished--but I had some other stuff going on so it kind of dragged on, and on, and on...

Crafty Level: moderate, for painting the stripe (extra patience) and putting up the gigantic wall vinyl (repentance for foul language will be necessary).

Cost: $20 paint, $80 bookshelf, $15 table and lamp, $100 wall vinyls...I know. That's a lot to pay for a vinyl, but it makes the room and it was exactly what I wanted so I'm not even going to apologize. Plus...I totally shopped around for the perfect bookshelf--$80 for a PB mahogany bookshelf--come on, that's a screaming deal!

It really is cool. Jack is over the moon for these things. He even said so in his prayers.

Not A Baby

Jack turned four yesterday. He has been ready to be four since the day after turning three. Last night he asked me if "please, please, can I be five at my next birthday--I been waiting such a long time."
He has also been asking for a volcano birthday cake for over six months. I had originally planned to make one from scratch, but I fortunately had enough brains to fork over the $20 and let Walmart take the heat. It turned out okay--he couldn't wait to get the dinosaurs off the top and start playing with them.
He got too close to the volcano and got some lava on his chin. The lava didn't stain nearly as bad as the electric blue frosting. He was given so many presents by extended family members that I never even bothered to bring out the ones that we purchased. I guess that I'll save them for some other milestone. Can you give a pirate ship as an Easter gift?
The Miners came over for the pancake dinner. Pancakes, sausage, and scrambled eggs were his personal request. I was so nervous that we were going to be eating corn dogs. He has been on tear about having a peanut butter sandwich for breakfast, corn dog for lunch, and another peanut butter sandwich for dinner. We were spared the ultimate gut ache.
He has played all afternoon with his new T-Rexs, Teradactyls, safari Jeep, winged dragons. He is so content to pretend that these animals are facing certain death by a volcano, dreaded battle or just getting to the store in the Polly Pocket VW. I love listening to him and his endless thoughts.

Who Doesn't Love a Purse?

I love it when I'm picking up the toys for the MILLIONTH time and I find stuff like this...

Jack obviously recognizing the importance of having the right purse for every occasion. There's no way he could have conquered that dragon castle with a clutch!

Way to go, boy.

1/11/11

I thought that I would take pictures throughout the day to help me remember what life is really like on a day to day basis. It's kind of cool to think about dates and times in relation to the rest of your life. I wish that I would do this more often--it's the mundane moments of life that you forget, but also by in large, the ones that are the greatest creators of it.
I'm really into Pero and this instant oatmeal with apples, raisins and walnuts. I bought an electric water pot that boils the water so quickly--I LOVE it. I'm drinking several cups of herbal tea a day now that I always have hot water on hand. AND, I found a whole set of these cute coffee mugs on the dollar rack at Michaels. I don't even like going to that store, but I have found several excellent items in that crazy thrift rack....latest find was monogrammed stationary.
Jack ate a brownie for breakfast. I have become a food Nazi with my kids lately--have I mentioned that I am sooo, sooo, sooo sick of all the candy they consume? This breakfast amounted to a peace offering. He begged for one right before he went to bed and I made the mistake of saying, "In the morning..." Well, he didn't forget and he came right in at 7AM ready for his brownie. You could set your watch my this kid's schedule. He has to be eating his breakfast by 7:15 or he starts to have a nervous breakdown.
We pretty much let Lachlan sleep in as long as she will--she is a bear in the morning. Every day we have the same conversation:

Me: Good Morning.

L: uuggh.

Me: Did you have good dreams?

L: What am I having for breakfast? uggh.

Me: Okay.

Jeff: What would you like?

L: Plain bread. Just bread. uugggh. Insert sour face.

Me: Would you like to be pleasant or would you like to go back to bed?

L: uugggh. I will be pleasant. (spoken through her teeth, seething in wrath)

Jeff: Here's your plain bread.

L: uuggh.

Bad cold. Jeff scolded me for leaving my Kleenex out on the bathroom counter. Whatever.
While I "go to work" the kids are supposed to "earn their Gold Stars"--here they are brushing their hair. Jack is giving himself the "Zac Efron" look--although, he likes to call it the "Fawn Brawn". Lachlan still prefers the "Richard Beard". Hair is a work in progress. At least they can get their teeth brushed on their own. I still get the dry heaves when I have to brush their teeth.
I'm in the process of repainting Jack's bedroom. He is getting his big boy bed this week--so I have a lot to get done. I can't wait to see it put back together. He is bunking on the floor in Lachlan's room until I can get the painting finished.
I helped watch Jen's kids. Jack and Kambrie played so cute together. Take a good look at that picture of the ice cream cone that Lily is holding in the background--it's the last time any of us will see it--because she ate it. It had some cupcake sprinkles glued to it and they were really calling to her. I discovered the dastly deed too late.

While the kids played, I cleaned up the pantry. I'm surprised that I wasn't sucked into an undiscovered black hole residing in there...it was that bad.
After lunch, we went to the car wash.
The weather has been so cold that I have kept the light on the chickens day and night. They tuck their little feet up into their feathers to keep them warm. It snowed a little bit on this day, but rain has since melted all of the snow and left the yard in a muddy mess.
Dinner: Miso-glazed salmon, sweet potatoes with pecans and fresh pineapple and kiwi. The kids really like this meal. During dinner, Jeff reminded me that I had forgotten to take Lachlan to her ear appointment. I thought about it all day long and then completely erased it from my mind about an hour before we were supposed to go. We also had to hurry and eat because Jeff had to get over to the church for mutual.

Pretty ordinary day.

Ski the Beav

Have you ever wondered how difficult it would be to keep moving on a cat track if you only weighed 30 pounds? This is Lachlan coming down Easy Street/Gentle Ben at Beaver Mountain. She calls it "pumping". There are a select few of you who will certainly appreciate her choice of terminology.

Jack would also like me to post this picture of him.

The Door

My favorite part of the holiday is checking the mail. I can't wait to get out to the mailbox to see who has sent us a Christmas card. I really miss the days of getting messages in the mail--there is something so special about opening up an envelope! Much love to all of you--I know that it's a little late but we are so lucky to have all of you in our lives.

Judd Party

Sara gave me the "Bible Cats" 2011 calendar...cause nobody loves the bible OR cats more than me.
Amen to that.
We gifted to the Miners, but next year I'm going to find the perfect gift for you Sara--
I'm going to look for your gift all year...cause nobody loves a Bargain OR Twilight more than you.

Holiday Cheer

Jack likes to stand on his chair to show me "how bigger, biggest" he is getting. It is usually after a meal--especially if he has consumed enough of something he doesn't like so that I will be convinced that he really doesn't need further nourishment.
And by the way...I made these for Christmas. I saw them in the Family Fun e-newsletter. I generally put those ideas in the "Sara Sargent has time to kill" category--but for whatever reason I got sucked into it with my holiday spirit. I have to admit they turned out so cute. The kids had a ball putting the antlers on the reindeer.

I put half of them on a platter and decided to take them around to some friends. On the way to the car I tripped on two cases of Diet Cherry Pepsi and they flew off the platter and went in a thousand directions. They were covered with oil, grease, cat hair, dirt...I was so sick that I had to sit on the back step and take some deep breaths.

It was so disgusting that I actually left them sitting there on the garage floor. I didn't even bother to pick them up until Jeff said "Well, don't just run over them with the car!!" For the record, I wanted to run over them with the car.

Curse you Diet Pepsi and your low-profile box!

We each ate one or two of the remaining deer and the rest got delivered with Jeff's help. I made him carry all of them to the car.

I'm not one to tempt fate twice.

Faces

I Love These Faces.

The Ugly Sandwich

One of my favorite moments over the last few months happened during lunch. I made the kids a ham sandwich with "real" ham. I've been trying hard to keep our regular meals super healthy because the kids eat so, so, so much crap everywhere else. I will save my tirade on food rewards for another day.

Anyway, so Jack sits up to the table and eats everything else on his plate. He takes a few bites of the sandwich and declares that he just can't eat this sandwich because it is too big. I told him to just open it up and eat the ham out of the center first. He agreed.

I went about doing something else....probably preparing dinner...honestly, meal preparation takes all $#%@ day!

I hear him sigh. I hear him sigh and moan. I don't turn around. I do not want to have this conversation about the sandwich.

Then I hear him say in the most exasperated voice--EVER--

"This is the ugliest sandwich I have ever seen! It's all open and twisted...(insert loud sigh) I just can't take it anymore!!"

Oh, holy. I was laughing so hard. I'm still laughing. I laughed until I cried. But I didn't dare turn around because I didn't want him to know that he was off the hook-- I had to choke out the words to tell him that he could be finished with lunch.

Of course I took a picture of the sandwich once he left the table....how in the world can you resist a picture of the ugliest sandwich of all time?

Sugar Rush

We were invited to make gingerbread houses with the Palmer Family this year. It was so fun to watch the kids put their houses together. I was surprised how serious they both were about getting everything in the right place. Lachlan eventually called it good because she just can't stand to put good candy on a house rather than in her mouth. Jack didn't want to leave any space of the house uncovered. He even layered some string licorice over the roof at the last minute just to make sure that all the bases were covered. It was so fun that Jack "forgot to go to the bathroom" and peed his pants and had to go home in some teenager boxer shorts. He thought that they were very cool. Oi-vey.

On the couch at Welfare Square--I just wanted to be in at least one picture. As usual, Jack can't look at the camera...

Welfare Square

Over the holidays we visited Welfare Square to do some service projects. The kids had so much fun stocking the shelves at the grocery store. Lachlan was obsessed with using the plastic knife to break down the boxes. She was sweating and breathing hard because she wanted to do more than anyone else. She is such an intense child--sometimes I don't know whether I should laugh or be alarmed! Jack loved to open the boxes and say, "Oh, no...it's more cans of ...(insert canned food item)!" We love our neighborhood church friends so much--I had such a fun night just watching everyone contribute together.