Three things women should never do at home. Come on, girls, seriously these jobs should be left to paid professionals.
1) Eyebrow wax and shaping. If you aren't having them done (well, that's your first problem). If you are doing it at home-commit today to change. If you have even considered doing a bikini wax at home I've got two words for you. Blood Blisters.
2) Hair Color/Highlight. what the?? Just because Eva Longoria says that she does her own color with Loreal--doesn't mean that it is true. This rule is an absolute for anybody other than toe-heads who think that they should be any form of blonde.
3) Dry Cleaning. Again, all earth-friendliness aside--do you really think that throwing that Ralph Lauren jacket in with a "dryer sheet" is going to take the body odor smell out of your clothing? The same applies for those who feel that Febreeze and a good iron should be enough for linen pants.
And while we're on the topic of women's issues. I received this "letter to the manufacturer" from my dear friend Shari . She wanted to know if I had sent it--actually, no. In all honesty, I stopped wearing pads in 1991 (for reasons that will be avoided due to "gross-out factor")--oh, and I guess I had a short stint there after the birth of Jack. You can't avoid them after birth. It goes along with the $12,000 humiliation package they offer at all hospitals for expectant mothers. Generally included with the "netted" XXL panties, and the "oh, you have inverted nipples" comment from the male nurse.
At any rate, I got a good laugh out of it this morning. It's worth sharing.
This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph. It's PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter.
Dear Mr. Thatcher,
I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.
Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customer's monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.' Are you f------ kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness, is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.
For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullshit. And that's a promise I will keep.
Always. . .Best,
Wendi Aarons, Austin, TX
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Friday, September 19, 2008
for Christoph.
Christoph's parents are good friends and in a round-about-way, part of our family. Our hearts, in particular, go out to Jason and Rachel, and the other Karren family members who we have so loved for nearly two decades. I have saved the obituary as a graphic so that if you would like to read it you can click on it to enlarge.This post, however, gets dedicated specifically to Laura. There are women whom I admire, and then there are women, like Laura, who are so noble and dignified in every aspect of character... Admire, no. For me, she exemplifies what I aspire to be. Laura loved Christoph with such a level of reverence and respect for not only his disabilities, but also for his abilities. I have been so humbled by her gentle humor, thoughtfulness, hard work and dedication. No complaints, only compassion.
With the loss of your sweet boy, we pray for your comfort and for peace. We rejoice in the fact that Christoph has finished his life with a knowledge of your love and example of true nobility.
Jack's Prayer
I don't want to forget it. I've still got the giggles.
"Tanks, daddy, mommy, lolo, cats, soap (we had just read a book about a baby who eats all the soap), pizza, my birfday, gigi, papa, nanny, papa, crackers, cake, hot soup, books, soap, papa, my haircut, mommy haircut, little hairbrush, otter pops, church. Amen"
I love that guy.
"Tanks, daddy, mommy, lolo, cats, soap (we had just read a book about a baby who eats all the soap), pizza, my birfday, gigi, papa, nanny, papa, crackers, cake, hot soup, books, soap, papa, my haircut, mommy haircut, little hairbrush, otter pops, church. Amen"
I love that guy.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Caution: It's going to get political.
I clipped this from the SL Tribune. I found it extremely relevant--especially since I have been pondering his comments since the convention.
John McCain makes this teacher cry.
"When, exactly, did I become the enemy? How did I become a failure? After McCain's acceptance speech, I couldn't sleep. I'm still trying to figure out how I turned into the loser in my own story.
McCain, as well as George W. Bush and our own (Utah) state political leaders, has a perspective on public education that I just don't understand. McCain wants to "put our students first." Like that's a new idea. For 32 years I have taught English in Utah public schools. Excuse me, John, but what exactly do you think I've been doing this whole time? Who do you think I've been putting first?
McCain said he was going to answer to parents, not to teacher unions. Who do you think the teacher unions are? People like me, people who have dedicated their lives to putting students first. So are teachers the enemy? Teacher unions are trying to make sure I make a decent living, have health insurance, am safe in my work environment and am treated fairly, ensuring that we continue to have people who will accept the calling to be teachers. Is that wrong?
McCain said he was going to get bad teachers out of the classroom. I certainly agree with that one. The problem is, who are the bad teachers? In 32 years I have only come across one. And she left teaching after two years. I have known teachers I did not want my own children to have, but those same teachers have ardent supporters in other parents. So who gets to decide?
Finally, McCain decries a failing system. Have we really failed? Public schools are doing everything McCain asks of us with inadequate funding, facilities, textbooks and technology. Sitting in public school classrooms are students with autism, Down syndrome, ADHD, dyslexia and a host of physical and mental challenges. There are abused children, drug addicts, pregnant girls, clinically depressed adolescents, gang members and students with myriad social and emotional issues. There are students from families facing economic hardships, students who are putting in 40-hour work weeks and then falling asleep in high school classrooms, students who are trying to raise younger siblings, students who are undocumented immigrants, students living out of cars and students who don't speak English and don't understand what we are saying to them. We teach them all.
As our country faces each new crisis, the solution always seems to be to dump that one in the public schools. We are now teaching kids to balance their checkbooks, understand interest rates and avoid bankruptcy. We are teaching kids to drive and to fill out job applications. We are teaching them about sexual abstinence (although not how to protect themselves if abstinence is not their choice). We are feeding them free breakfast and lunch. We are providing students with advisory teachers, so they have a caring adult they can turn to. We are refusing to let them buy junk from vending machines. Every Utah teacher received a booklet this summer (at what cost to taxpayers?) that told us we were to teach ethics in our classrooms. Didn't these things used to be done by parents? Yet, we are to make sure every student functions on grade level. It doesn't matter if the students come to us four grade levels behind, if they do not attend class, if they are low-level learners, if their parents are illiterate, if they have no interest in learning, if their parents do not value education. If the student fails, the school fails. No one wants to leave children behind. Certainly not me. But what do I do with the student who doesn't want to learn or the parents who don't care? Does John McCain even know those people exist?
McCain said that we need to make it easier for qualified people to become teachers. Who are these people? People out in the business world making $100K a year? Do you honestly think they are going to leave their expense accounts, their paid vacations, their ability to call in sick without preparing for the day anyway, their ability to go to the bathroom whenever they want, to face public school challenges for $40,000 a year? Seriously? McCain needs a dose of reality.
Then he concluded with a cry for people to serve, to become teachers. Why would anyone become a teacher, knowing that teacher is going to be blamed for the ills of a nation? It's hard to be told I'm a failure because I am not 100% perfect with 100% of students whose attitudes and situations I do not control. It's a standard I strive for, but simply can't live up to. It's hard to be told that I, as a member of a teacher union, am the enemy to students and parents. It's hard to be told that I am not appreciated, and my work is not valued.
You call for support of the troops, John. How about support for the teachers in the trenches? I feel like those Vietnam War soldiers must have felt when America wasn't supporting them. You have made me cry, you have given me a headache. After your speech, I tried to get an hour or two of sleep before I showed up in my classroom the next morning, ready once again to put students first."
Just a side note, this woman teaches/has taught in the Davis School District, in junior high and high schools, every grade from 7-12, to Advanced Placement, remedial, regular and honors students.
I appreciate her comments because I don't think John McCain has a clue about the public school system. You can't just make a call to hire and fire the best/worst teachers. The system is not going to be "solved" by taking power away from teacher unions. How about getting our troops out of Iraq and using some of the gazillion $$ we are currently spending to increase teacher salaries? If salaries were adequate you could actually select the best teachers for jobs rather than hiring inadequate faculty because you had to take those who would work for that amount! Or how about allowing a teacher to move to a different school without losing 10 years on her pay scale? I've actually met teachers in their mid-seventies who were still trying to reach retirement. Yeah, it's really great to have teachers who remember LIVING through the Great Depression--give me a break! Let's have some options for teachers who are seeking early retirement before they get so burned out that they couldn't have a new idea if it bit them in the ___.
One of the things I appreciate about Obama is that he has worked as a community organizer-yup, in an actual community where people live. He understands the importance of programs such as the Boys and Girls Club. These are great places to teach finance, ethics, hygiene, and yes, sexual education that includes abstinence! People can say that these things should be taught at home, but WAKE up because they aren't and if we want a society that values these things then they need to be taught somewhere! And while I think that they should be taught at school, (by a specific faculty member who has been trained to teach these topics--and paid accordingly--no more high school wrestling coaches who also teach Social Science [Lord, help us]). They (these programs) should also be supported and funded in after-school programs where they can be community driven! Do I think that tax payers should help pay for this- Hell, yes. Absolutely. In fact, dare I say it, I wish so badly that people could understand that community-driven programs are less likely to have a bloated administration, a more dedicated staff and greater lasting effect.
The bottom line is this--there is always money for things that people value whether its in the public or private sector. People will spend their dollars on what is most important to them. If having an educated society is important to you then you won't have a problem dedicating some of your tax dollars and/or discretionary funding to spend on it. Yeah, I know. I've read the book, "Nickeled and Dimed: On Getting By in America". It is a fabulous text. There are people who don't have money for education--that's why we need to help each other (and raise the minimum wage to an actual living wage (sorry, side note)). So if you don't think you have enough money, turn off your cable and get your priorities in order.
I work with teachers every day who are just as dedicated to their profession as this woman, they all have the same struggles and disappointments. They deserve to have a president who offers them some new options--although, I suppose if you still need to vote for McSame, it really couldn't get any worse. And frankly, in my opinion, it isn't going to really change until we start to speak with what really matters...our wallets.
John McCain makes this teacher cry.
"When, exactly, did I become the enemy? How did I become a failure? After McCain's acceptance speech, I couldn't sleep. I'm still trying to figure out how I turned into the loser in my own story.
McCain, as well as George W. Bush and our own (Utah) state political leaders, has a perspective on public education that I just don't understand. McCain wants to "put our students first." Like that's a new idea. For 32 years I have taught English in Utah public schools. Excuse me, John, but what exactly do you think I've been doing this whole time? Who do you think I've been putting first?
McCain said he was going to answer to parents, not to teacher unions. Who do you think the teacher unions are? People like me, people who have dedicated their lives to putting students first. So are teachers the enemy? Teacher unions are trying to make sure I make a decent living, have health insurance, am safe in my work environment and am treated fairly, ensuring that we continue to have people who will accept the calling to be teachers. Is that wrong?
McCain said he was going to get bad teachers out of the classroom. I certainly agree with that one. The problem is, who are the bad teachers? In 32 years I have only come across one. And she left teaching after two years. I have known teachers I did not want my own children to have, but those same teachers have ardent supporters in other parents. So who gets to decide?
Finally, McCain decries a failing system. Have we really failed? Public schools are doing everything McCain asks of us with inadequate funding, facilities, textbooks and technology. Sitting in public school classrooms are students with autism, Down syndrome, ADHD, dyslexia and a host of physical and mental challenges. There are abused children, drug addicts, pregnant girls, clinically depressed adolescents, gang members and students with myriad social and emotional issues. There are students from families facing economic hardships, students who are putting in 40-hour work weeks and then falling asleep in high school classrooms, students who are trying to raise younger siblings, students who are undocumented immigrants, students living out of cars and students who don't speak English and don't understand what we are saying to them. We teach them all.
As our country faces each new crisis, the solution always seems to be to dump that one in the public schools. We are now teaching kids to balance their checkbooks, understand interest rates and avoid bankruptcy. We are teaching kids to drive and to fill out job applications. We are teaching them about sexual abstinence (although not how to protect themselves if abstinence is not their choice). We are feeding them free breakfast and lunch. We are providing students with advisory teachers, so they have a caring adult they can turn to. We are refusing to let them buy junk from vending machines. Every Utah teacher received a booklet this summer (at what cost to taxpayers?) that told us we were to teach ethics in our classrooms. Didn't these things used to be done by parents? Yet, we are to make sure every student functions on grade level. It doesn't matter if the students come to us four grade levels behind, if they do not attend class, if they are low-level learners, if their parents are illiterate, if they have no interest in learning, if their parents do not value education. If the student fails, the school fails. No one wants to leave children behind. Certainly not me. But what do I do with the student who doesn't want to learn or the parents who don't care? Does John McCain even know those people exist?
McCain said that we need to make it easier for qualified people to become teachers. Who are these people? People out in the business world making $100K a year? Do you honestly think they are going to leave their expense accounts, their paid vacations, their ability to call in sick without preparing for the day anyway, their ability to go to the bathroom whenever they want, to face public school challenges for $40,000 a year? Seriously? McCain needs a dose of reality.
Then he concluded with a cry for people to serve, to become teachers. Why would anyone become a teacher, knowing that teacher is going to be blamed for the ills of a nation? It's hard to be told I'm a failure because I am not 100% perfect with 100% of students whose attitudes and situations I do not control. It's a standard I strive for, but simply can't live up to. It's hard to be told that I, as a member of a teacher union, am the enemy to students and parents. It's hard to be told that I am not appreciated, and my work is not valued.
You call for support of the troops, John. How about support for the teachers in the trenches? I feel like those Vietnam War soldiers must have felt when America wasn't supporting them. You have made me cry, you have given me a headache. After your speech, I tried to get an hour or two of sleep before I showed up in my classroom the next morning, ready once again to put students first."
Just a side note, this woman teaches/has taught in the Davis School District, in junior high and high schools, every grade from 7-12, to Advanced Placement, remedial, regular and honors students.
I appreciate her comments because I don't think John McCain has a clue about the public school system. You can't just make a call to hire and fire the best/worst teachers. The system is not going to be "solved" by taking power away from teacher unions. How about getting our troops out of Iraq and using some of the gazillion $$ we are currently spending to increase teacher salaries? If salaries were adequate you could actually select the best teachers for jobs rather than hiring inadequate faculty because you had to take those who would work for that amount! Or how about allowing a teacher to move to a different school without losing 10 years on her pay scale? I've actually met teachers in their mid-seventies who were still trying to reach retirement. Yeah, it's really great to have teachers who remember LIVING through the Great Depression--give me a break! Let's have some options for teachers who are seeking early retirement before they get so burned out that they couldn't have a new idea if it bit them in the ___.
One of the things I appreciate about Obama is that he has worked as a community organizer-yup, in an actual community where people live. He understands the importance of programs such as the Boys and Girls Club. These are great places to teach finance, ethics, hygiene, and yes, sexual education that includes abstinence! People can say that these things should be taught at home, but WAKE up because they aren't and if we want a society that values these things then they need to be taught somewhere! And while I think that they should be taught at school, (by a specific faculty member who has been trained to teach these topics--and paid accordingly--no more high school wrestling coaches who also teach Social Science [Lord, help us]). They (these programs) should also be supported and funded in after-school programs where they can be community driven! Do I think that tax payers should help pay for this- Hell, yes. Absolutely. In fact, dare I say it, I wish so badly that people could understand that community-driven programs are less likely to have a bloated administration, a more dedicated staff and greater lasting effect.
The bottom line is this--there is always money for things that people value whether its in the public or private sector. People will spend their dollars on what is most important to them. If having an educated society is important to you then you won't have a problem dedicating some of your tax dollars and/or discretionary funding to spend on it. Yeah, I know. I've read the book, "Nickeled and Dimed: On Getting By in America". It is a fabulous text. There are people who don't have money for education--that's why we need to help each other (and raise the minimum wage to an actual living wage (sorry, side note)). So if you don't think you have enough money, turn off your cable and get your priorities in order.
I work with teachers every day who are just as dedicated to their profession as this woman, they all have the same struggles and disappointments. They deserve to have a president who offers them some new options--although, I suppose if you still need to vote for McSame, it really couldn't get any worse. And frankly, in my opinion, it isn't going to really change until we start to speak with what really matters...our wallets.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Things I've Done
As of late, ten things I have done or said...
* Ran out of toilet paper. Used a Kandoo to wipe butt.
* "You cannot pee on Cinderella. It will hurt her feelings."
*"You have to wait for mommy to wipe you. You can't just pull up your panties--look, now Cinderella has a little bit of poop on her." "Shoot."
* "If you eat something hot, just spit it out. Don't rub your tongue with your hand."
* "You don't have a tummy ache, you just need to fart or something."
* "It's not cat poop! It's just cat puke."
* Fell asleep in the middle of the hall while children played in the bedroom.
* Went to Costco to take a "break" and have some "fun" with Suz. Purchased chicken/apple sausages on a whim. Actually cooked them for dinner.
* Found TWO gray hairs. Took anti-anxiety medication had hair colored immediately.
* "Do not take these toys out of the garbage. Mommy wants the garbage man to have some to play with, so just leave them in there."
* Ran out of toilet paper. Used a Kandoo to wipe butt.
* "You cannot pee on Cinderella. It will hurt her feelings."
*"You have to wait for mommy to wipe you. You can't just pull up your panties--look, now Cinderella has a little bit of poop on her." "Shoot."
* "If you eat something hot, just spit it out. Don't rub your tongue with your hand."
* "You don't have a tummy ache, you just need to fart or something."
* "It's not cat poop! It's just cat puke."
* Fell asleep in the middle of the hall while children played in the bedroom.
* Went to Costco to take a "break" and have some "fun" with Suz. Purchased chicken/apple sausages on a whim. Actually cooked them for dinner.
* Found TWO gray hairs. Took anti-anxiety medication had hair colored immediately.
* "Do not take these toys out of the garbage. Mommy wants the garbage man to have some to play with, so just leave them in there."
Lachlan's Big Girl Pictures
We have been working on turning three. You know, really talking up being a big girl. Big girl panties, big girl potty, share like a big girl, act like a big girl, use your big girl words...the list goes on and on and on...
The resolution isn't great on these web versions because I just used the ones from the KK website rather than scan in my copies--sorry. The top one is my very favorite. Oh, and the dress is from Carter's in Park City. If you haven't been there lately--too bad for you! Well, unless you have boys--I didn't see any good boy clothes there. I really wanted to find something for Jack to wear to church, but I immediately rule out anything that mentions sports, fishing, firemen, "daddy's helper" or aviation. I hate to even mention church shoes for boys. You might as well drag a dead pig around in your yard because it will be more fun than locating that item. What I'd really like is for Kenneth Cole to come out with a baby dress shoe line in about the $10 a pair range--think how many women would love him!
After last spring's Target Photo Center nightmare (an understatement) I decided to go back to the Kiddie Kandids for a big-girl-I'm-almost-three-quick and easy photo session with Lachlan. I really laid the excitement on thick and it totally paid off. The best part is that we were out of there with pictures in hand in under an hour. KK kicked Target's crass. She really is a beautiful child. She has been such a good helper lately. She nearly "mothers" Jack to death, but I have to admit that when she rubs his back when he falls down or is not happy it is so cute! 
The resolution isn't great on these web versions because I just used the ones from the KK website rather than scan in my copies--sorry. The top one is my very favorite. Oh, and the dress is from Carter's in Park City. If you haven't been there lately--too bad for you! Well, unless you have boys--I didn't see any good boy clothes there. I really wanted to find something for Jack to wear to church, but I immediately rule out anything that mentions sports, fishing, firemen, "daddy's helper" or aviation. I hate to even mention church shoes for boys. You might as well drag a dead pig around in your yard because it will be more fun than locating that item. What I'd really like is for Kenneth Cole to come out with a baby dress shoe line in about the $10 a pair range--think how many women would love him!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)