Family Update

On Sunday afternoon we were finally able to meet Greta. She ran into my arms and gave me a huge hug. It was an incredible moment and Jeff and I were so excited to be in that moment together. We had the opportunity to visit for a while with her caregivers, even the director and vice-director of her orphanage.
They informed us that she has been in foster care with the same mother for her entire residence in the SWI. This foster mother cared for her all through the surgeries. They told us that she had several delays—because of her pre/postop cleft lip and palate. Her cleft was very deep and quite severe. We were told that she still wears a diaper day and night, she still drinks formula for her meals, she cannot say many words (e.g., mom & dad). She is able to walk and can actually run quite fast. They told us that her foster mother preferred to care for her like a baby so we would need to transition her from a baby to toddler.

Jeff and I spent the rest of the day with Mei Tong. It was apparent that she was small and skinny. We were able to bathe her and get some clean clothes on her. Initially, we knew that she seemed very distant and only wanted to be held, at times refusing to stand. We were very hopeful that we would be able to connect with her. Unfortunately, by the end of the day we felt that her conditions were incredibly pronounced and the behaviors consistent with extensive brain damage. I will not go into detail here, but I think that as parents we had a gut feeling that something was really wrong.

We spent the entire night praying and speaking with our agency about the extent of her condition. They strongly recommended that we obtain a new medical evaluation to determine the full extent of her disabilities. We were very blessed to get an appointment with one of the best pediatricians in the province. She spoke excellent English and we were able to communicate openly. Her initial assessment was extensive brain damage and mental retardation. She wanted to be very certain of the diagnosis so we were sent to a behavioral and intelligence specialist in the hospital. All she could determine was that there were severe developmental delays—based upon the fact that Mei Tong was unable to complete any of the assessments, even for infants (she is almost five). We went back to the pediatrician who was very direct with us. I can’t fully describe any of this experience—she made it very clear that she felt Mei had experienced some event which damaged her brain development beyond just a developmental delay. She listed her diagnosis in the medical file as brain damage and retardation. I will say that this merely confirmed what Jeff and I felt in our hearts and minds. It was overwhelmingly devastating news. We felt strongly that she would require full-time care, perhaps even for the rest of her life. Again, I will not share the experiences here which led us to this conclusion.

I want to make it very clear that we do not believe that she has been abused in any way. We will never know what brought on this condition. Perhaps she was deprived of oxygen during one or more of her several surgeries to fix her lip/palate, perhaps she has always had a disability and a foster mother with limited options or knowledge may have been unable to seek the necessary help? It matters not because she continued to care for her and it remains obvious to us that she loved her and held her often. There was nothing that Mei loved more than to be held and snuggled. She was unable to communicate in any way, except by her hugs.
What this means: In the process of completing our adoption paperwork we were required to meet with social workers to determine what our family was capable of dealing with—this is a necessary part of the adoption process. It was determined from the beginning that our family would be able to accept slight developmental delays and a variety of cosmetic disabilities. Once it has been determined, these limitations are listed in your U.S. Immigration Visa requirements. You cannot adopt a child who does not meet/fully match these pre-determined parameters. According to the medical file we received for Greta with our original referral, our family was a match for her delays and disabilities; there was no indication in this file of her severe physical needs.  By obtaining a new medical diagnosis, we are no longer eligible to adopt Greta due to the severity of her condition. 
We are heartbroken.
We haven’t slept or eaten and have agonized over every moment, evaluation, and decision.
Prayer has been our only refuge.

I wasn’t going to post any of this, but I feel so indebted to so many of our friends who have carried us through this past year. It has been your love and support that makes any of this possible. Many of you dropped off toys, toothbrushes, clothes, coats—we were able to give these to the orphanage and they were so very grateful and excited to get it back to the kids. Others donated cash, with which we intended to purchase specifically needed items for the orphanage while in the province. Due to the situation and the many hours spent at the hospital we never had time to buy any of these items. I didn’t want to give them such a large amount of cash because there isn’t a guarantee that they will use the money for the benefit of the children. Jeff and I have decided that we would like to donate the money in Greta’s name, to Kathy and Dean Olsen. They are currently serving an LDS mission in Kenya. They have been working to earn much needed funds to pay for a surgery for Grace, a young Kenyan girl who was brutally raped and needs an intestinal surgery so that she can attend school. This amount of money will provide nearly a third of the necessary funds. We feel that it is only appropriate to pay it forward so that another girl can get an education and make a difference in her own community.

Jeff and I want to emphatically state that we have always believed and will always continue to believe in the power and process of adoption. Life is messy and complicated. We don’t always get what we want but we believe that God will always provide what we need. Our Heavenly Father never gives stones, He only gives bread. Only bread.

Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him? Matthew 7:9

There have been times in my life when I felt like I was given stones—and my lot was to figure out how to make a meal out of those stones. I want to tell each of you that I have learned through difficult times and choices that it is your attitude, determination, faith, and testimony which will allow you to see the bread. After all that we have been through, the failures and successes of adoption we have been witnesses to miracles, our deepest joys, and the realization that we are God’s children and He has a plan for each of us.
We will cry. We will grieve, but we know that everything will work out.

We would ask that you be sensitive with your questions and comments, especially around Jack and Lachlan. This is very difficult for them to understand and they are incredibly sad about losing a little sister.
We are now making our way to Guangzhou where we will make our way back home near the end of the week. Please keep us in your prayers. Be grateful for your blessed lives, your fortune and your families.
We love you.
 Jeff and Rose

For your phone and your keys

This is the look of the day. I saw many women who had sewn matching back pockets on their sweat pants.

Buddhist Temple

 This morning we went to the Buddhist Temple. These are the monks who live here. Those who have shaved heads live here for life. There are several monks who "work part-time" they don't have shaved heads and they mostly help and serve as volunteers or tour guides. There are hundreds of people here either touring or worshipping at any given time. These pictures aren't particularly in order--it's too difficult to arrange them correctly on this laptop.

 They have some large Koi ponds. A staple in Chinese gardens. These are huge fish. The mouth on this one is about as big as the palm of my hand. People feed them by hand.

 Saturday morning worshippers. Relaxing on a bench before walking home. We followed some of these women through the temple. Each Buddhist idol will help with specific issues, there were several here for mercy, protection, fertility, and wisdom. Alice is a practicing Buddhist. She shared several experiences where she has prayed for strength and guidance or healing. She also shared with us that her grandmother is very religious and gets up every morning at 5AM to light incense and recite her prayers.

 I loved this dragon. Lots of coins. You need to leave a coin for the monks when you say a prayer.

 This is the relaxing Buddha. Leaving passionfruits, oranges and grapefruits for the idol is very common. I've been to temples like this before, but I've never been to one where the worshipping was so serious. People were lined up to kneel and pray. They have an inner section of the temple where there is a Jade Buddha. This is the most powerful Buddha, but you must pay extra to visit it. This was the only area that was mostly filled with tourists.

 Hand feeding the Koi fish.

 I loved these prayer ribbons tied to the bells. You ring the bells when you walk by--it reminded me of the prayer spinners in Beijing. They don't have those at this temple. I asked Alice if she knew of the Dali Lama--she didn't even know who he was--guess that Chinese censorship is pretty tight.

 This is the most active area of the temple grounds. You gather the incense and light it then pray and bow while you turn around to the different Buddhas in this area. The smoke was so thick you couldn't see across the courtyard. This is also the area where the monks come out and sing to the people. They sang a song about how the world was created and how life will continue after death. It was really interesting to speak with Alice about the similarities in our beliefs.

 There were several areas where the walls were lined with these individual boxes of golden Buddhas. You pay a fee and they will put your name on the little sign below the Buddha. When you visit the temple you can pray to your own Buddha statue.

 

 Above: The most lucky Buddha. If you rub the belly you will be prosperous. If you rub the bowl in his hand you will have something else (cannot remember) and if you rub the baby on his shoulder you will have increased fertility. Alice said that this is the one that you should buy for your home.

A family gathers together to pray with incense.
There is a real sense that this is a holy place. I obviously have a different Christian perspective--I also think that it is odd that from Alice's view she doesn't feel that China has any restrictions on religious affiliation. She said that you can worship however you want and that the government doesn't care. As a Westerner, I wonder if she will ever know of her limitations. I wonder how it would change this country.

Silk Museum

 On Saturday afternoon we visited the Silk Museum. They showed us how the silk is harvested and spun. I've seen a lot of agricultural production in my day, but this was pretty fascinating. This was definitely "old school".

 They use a brush made of branches to swirl the cocoons around in some water. The fibers stick to the branches and then they draw out a single thread and thread it into the spinner.

 She threads the machine and it spins it on large rolls on top. The single threads are so thin you have to touch them to believe that they are really there. The thread is incredibly strong. Of course, the tour guides give you several examples of "feats of strength" to prove the silk is "strongest fiber in world." I have to admit. You couldn't do it with cotton.

 This woman drew the short straw in terms of job for the day. She rolls the silk around in the water and pulls out the worms. Below she shows me the "best cocoons" cause it has the awesome "double worm". According to these folks the "double worm" makes some awesome silk. For a fact, the worms look absolutely creepy...and this is coming from a woman who has toured a cricket-raising facility (for reptile consumption) in California. I would be wearing full-on rubber gloves if I had her job.

 Then she takes the silk in the cocoons and stretches it over this horseshoe shape to dry it out. She layers 100 cocoons. There were several more displays of the strength of the silk. "You poke it. You see very, very strong!"

 These ladies take the horseshoe piles and stretch them out by hand and lay them out on this form. When they get to a certain thickness they put a cover on it and you're left with a silk comforter. "Natural fiber will breathe. Keep you cool. Keep you warm. It perfect for everybody!" Sans marketing ploy, it was one of the best agricultural tours ever.

Deep Thoughts about Asia

Well, these pictures are loading really strangely. I don't know why this first one looks so odd. On Friday we toured Nanjing Road and the Yu Yuan Gardens. The Yuan Gardens were built by [according to Alice] a very wealthy businessman who developed much of Shanghai. The gardens are located in a central business district [read: tourist trap]. They compose about two hectares (acres) of open space. It really is pretty fascinating. The outer area is filled with tourists, kids skipping school, old people doing crazy stuff (see old woman pushing her dog in the wheelchair below), and pan handlers. The items most of them are selling are either two-wheeled roller skates that hook onto the wheels of your shoes [Alice discouraged us immediately because "maybe little bit dangerous for you"] OR little magic tricks like the blocks hooked on a string that roll over each other and make it look like you have an endless supply of blocks. I'm absolutely certain that Jack would spend his entire allowance on either in an instant.

 All the old women in Shanghai are either wearing pajama pants or snowpants. They are obviously very practical. Comfy and warm. This woman could barely move, but apparently poochie was in even worse shape. The best thing I saw all day was an elderly woman who had her fleece comfort pants on--they had rhinestones bedazzled in the words, "do me" on the hip pockets. I'm going to just give her the benefit of the doubt and say that she didn't have a clue what the words meant in English.

 Lots of tasty treats near the gardens. Octopus or quail eggs on a spit. I could possibly get the eggs down if my life depended on it. They also had lots of tiny whole chickens on a stick.

Inside the gardens are lots of ponds filled with turtles (meaning long life) and Koi fish (red fish are lucky). Alice told me that these yellow flowers mean "spring is coming"--I told her that Forsythia is what they are called in English. She had lots of trouble saying that word. Some of the flowers, tulip trees, Magnolias, and these pink flowers are coming into bloom. My allergies are out of control. Between the pollution, cigarette smoke, dirty water (my eyes burn when I wash my face with the tap water), and pollen I am a sneezing, runny nosed-mess.

 Japanese cedar trees. Perfectly straight. All of the pathways in the garden are zig zag so that you will slow down and think about your life and gain serenity.

 Alice took us to the Number One restaurant in Shanghai. She made it very clear that it wasn't the best restaurant, but was just called "number one". She ordered some of her favorite dishes for us to try. Left to right: Curried noodles (vermicelli-type) with green onions, pumpkin puffs, sauteed baby bok choy, sweet/spicy chicken feet, red bean jello squares, curried rice with beef, rice gluten fried ball rolled in sesame seeds, not pictured is the sweet potato jello that is served fried. Let's talk about lunch for a minute... the rice and noodle dishes were excellent. I will also say that the sesame ball thing wasn't bad. It was very chewy and you had to chew while waiting for the gluten to dissolve a bit in your mouth--this sensation is okay if you remember to breathe in through your nose the whole time. It's the same with the pumpkin ball thing--although the outside of this one is fried so the bit of crispy really helps with the texture. None of this food is particularly spicy--Alice says that Shanghai isn't known for spicy food. She prefers the food from her home city in Jiangxi Province which is much spicier. The sauteed bok choy is excellent. I think I ate most of what was served. I think that I can recreate this dish at home. The red bean jello square--tasted like eating a glob of warm rubber cement minus the chemical fumes. The sweet potato fried jello square--it was very warm, not really sweet and I thought I could probably power through it with some dignity until I asked Alice what it was called to which she replied, "um, I don't know how to say in English, but Chinese means, horse hooves." To which I reponded, "gelatin or collagen". "Ah, yes! Yes! Same with pig feet!" she returned. About the same moment I looked over and Jeff was finishing off a chicken foot and I could hear the squeak in his teeth of the chicken skin and cartilage and suddenly I was overly full. Alice was awesome and powered through those chicken feet like a champ. She sucked every bit of skin and cartilage from those bones. She said, "my dad makes. He a good cooker." Hey, I totally believe it. If you can make a tasty batch of chicken feet you've got hella skills in my book.

 After the gardens and lunch, Alice walked us down the Bund. The Bund is the riverwalk that runs along the Yangtze River. It's wide and deep and reminds me of the Mississippi, but filthy. I have a hard time determining if it's the water I smell or the air--something is laced with heavy petrochemicals--it's probably both. The tall tower in the background is the Imperial Tower. At night you can see that the whole city lights up like the Vegas Strip. The Strip mixed with Times Square.

 The large white tower in the foreground is a "heroes memorial". It's made entirely of ugly cinder block, but you can't tell that until you are very close. Our hotel is directly across the street from the memorial. We're in a great location.

We went back to walk the Bund and Nanjing Road at night. Nanjing Road is exactly like walking Times Square at night--except more people. Tens of thousands of people--just wandering and hanging out. There's lots of shopping and eating. They have trolley cars that take tourists up and down the walk way. Alice kept asking us all day long if we were too tired to keep walking. She would look at me and say, "you want to call cab? Some women maybe tired. Feet hurt and need to rest?"

 That hotel straight out of Gotham is our hotel. The Broadway Mansion. This bridge is a "very famous bridge" that connects the East and West sides of the city. There were no less than a dozen couples taking their engagement pictures on this bridge. Some very odd looking pictures if you ask me--very dramatic. The dresses were usually red, with lots of sequins (for men and women) and some swoopy-doop hairdos.

What you can't see is that getting your picture taken on this bridge is technically a suicide attempt. The buses, large trucks, and other high speed traveling vehicles just swerve around the people and other cars. Nobody slows down they just honk and try to squeeze by each other. Today I saw one lady who was damned and determined that she was going to stand in the center of the road and have her wedding picture taken--she literally darted out in between traffic screaming at the photographer to hurry and take the picture before she got run over. Her groom looked really nervous as he was supposed to look really sexy and calm. You can't help but stop and stare. Talk about a train wreck.

That staring experience was only surpassed by two other instances:
1) I saw a woman walking through a Buddhist Temple with what appeared to be the world's worst case of camel toe--when in reality it was merely an unfortunate blow out of her stretch pants--in the front.
2) An old man jogging through the crowds at the Bund (crowds think: trying to leave Stadium of Fire)--and he literally is in slow motion. Oh, I am totally laughing just thinking about it. Moving his arms and legs like he is pretending--and all I can say to Jeff is, "he is wearing a pink shirt under that red velor sweatsuit"--to which Jeff replies, "lay off he's racing for the cure!" And then I laugh like a crazy woman and people start to take our picture...cause WE'RE the weirdos!

In conclusion, I have also come to realize that Lachlan is truly a product of China. These ARE her people. I honestly don't know how it is possible for someone who was removed as an infant to inherently possess these genuinely Eastern habits and tastes, but I am telling you--it. is. possible. I can't tell you how many times I've thought to myself that she is just "socially awkward"--but it's only because she's not here!

Want to laugh by covering your mouth with your hand and only make a "tee-hee-hee" noise?
In the U.S.--a little weird. Here--like every single woman.
Want to wear sequins and glitter on every part of your body?
In the U.S.--tacky. Here--rocking it--heck, while you're at it bring that hem line up 12 or 15 inches.
Want to rub the back of a total stranger or classmate while helping them read a magazine or newspaper?
At EBLS--awkward city. Here--totes cool. Even men/boys are getting into the public snuggling.
Is your favorite flavor seaweed? Yes--you're Asian. No--you're not.

It is going to be so interesting to bring Greta home. I can't wait to see how she and Lachlan make some of these connections.

LA to Incheon to Shanghai

We are in Shanghai this morning. We're downtown across the Yangtze River from the Imperial Tower at the Broadway Mansion Hotel. It's foggy, but I'm hoping that the sun comes out for a little while.

The flight yesterday was much longer than I remembered. I think that I'm out of practice with my international travel. We tried to stay awake for most of the flight so that we would be able to sleep last night. I did okay. I think I must have read 10 magazines. I don't even want to think about how many movies Jeff watched--it was enough that when we were flying from Korea (Incheon) to Shanghai (Poudong) that he wouldn't even turn on his TV...I'm wondering if he watched everything on the kiosk.

This first picture is an airplane shot as we are flying into South Korea. After 13 hours, all I could think about was that I wanted to brush my teeth and drink a gallon of water. I forget that getting a glass of water (more than 1/4 cup) is so difficult once you leave the U.S. Ugh. Major dehydration.

 We had a bit of a layover in Korea. I was glad because they made us get off the plane and go directly through another security line just to transfer planes. I felt bad for a couple old ladies because they looked exhausted and then they had to stand in line and hoof their bags through Korean TSA.

 On the plane, headed to Shanghai--total travel time 26 hours.

 I actually slept well last night. We have the Lucy and Ricky Ricardo special in this room. We each get our own twin bed. I use the word bed pretty loosely--it's a piece of plywood with a sheet on top. Not complaining, just stating the facts. I remember last time that we had rope for our bed frames; this place reminds me of the LaQuinta in Cedar City.

This is what Jeff had for breakfast. Hot pot. I went with the yogurt and fruit. I LOVE European yogurt. For the record, the yogurt we have at home I do not like--I'm always on a quest to find stuff like this--it's more runny and not as sweet. I have to choke it down at home, but I could eat this stuff at every meal. I also ate a bunch of watermelon, dragon fruit, and bread with honey. We were really hungry. We didn't eat the last meal on the plane because we were too tired. The smell of Korean food when I'm tired and the plane is ten degrees too warm--it almost killed me. I made Jeff eat a hot bun with meat in the middle earlier because it was served to me and thought it was just regular bread, when I discovered the meat secret I almost gagged. I can handle new food, but not when I'm on a plane shoved into a tiny seat without any water. Too much!

 Our view from the breakfast floor. We are headed out to tour the city today. It will be lots of fun. Our guide is Alice. She is so cute. She speaks English quite well.

Blurb Books

I've been working to build baby books for Jack and Lachlan. I thought that maybe I would scrapbook their stuff, but I found out that I just don't have time for the cutting and pasting. I love how easy these books from Blurb.com are to create. It gives me a chance to get caught up and make their books very personal.

 I recommend the hardcover image wrap. The dust jackets are a bit cheaper, but the image wrap is so clean and you don't have to fight the paper. You can customize each page. I compiled information from my own journals, blog posts, medical reports--everything I could for the first year of their life. After the first year, the info gets compiled into a family album.

 I use Photoshop to touch up all my images (cause I am compelled to edit). Blurb.com doesn't have photo editing. You can crop or rotate images, but you can't change the brightness or contrast. I fix all the pictures first and place them in folders by month so that I can just upload them all at once.

 I figured out how to scan footprints and handprints to use in the book. The font selection is great--you can use any font which is "true type" on your computer. I wouldn't go any smaller than 10pt font on the readable text. The default is set much lower within the program so you'll have to adjust it.

 I love big, full-size pictures. I always get the 11x17 size book so that I can have my favorite pictures in all their glory.

The best part is reading through the stories with the kids. Jack can listen for hours. He wants me to tell the same ones over and over. This is his favorite page--he loves to tell everyone about how he "drank the sweet potatoes and rolled around in the Cocoa Puffs". It was worth the effort to get all of the memories in one place.