Inappropriate, well probably.

I can probably count the number of minutes that I have spent in a men's restroom on one hand. There hasn't ever really been a reason for me to be involved with that whole situation. I had three sisters and zero brothers. In fact, now that I am sitting here dwelling on it, I think the only reason I've ever even visited a men's restroom was to clean it (or at least walk in and decide not to clean it).

What I want to know is that if they smell as bad as women's bathrooms? Seriously, what is it about a ladies bathroom--aside from the obvious--meaning specifically that it is a place to remove bodily waste products. Here's the thing, are there really that many women who think to themselves, "I'll just wait and take a poop while I'm at the Target (feel free to insert any 'away from home location' i.e., church, McDonald's, dentist's office)."

Now before some of you 'away poopers' feel threatened, I should mention that I recognize that some people get caught off guard, or you work a 12-hour shift, or you have a bout of explosive diarrhea. Hey, we've all been there. What I'm talking about here is the serious phenomena that exists in every ladies room--they stink! Every time. Every stall. Is it because we are already sitting down? Men don't have to sit and therefore, it causes me to wonder if there is some hesitancy to go all the way. I don't know, never really been in there.

I am beginning to wonder if Cousin Wil wasn't on to something with the "no poop policy." I have a special group of friends who are aware of his policy. We have laughed for years about it. Well, today, Cousin Wil, you're laughing now.

I Almost Ruined Halloween

I don't consider myself a lazy mom. Make no mistake, I'm not very good at this. I have few if any maternal characteristics and zero natural instinct, but lazy, no I don't think it's that. To get to the point, Jack had been talking about being a crocodile, since the first of August, for Halloween. He loves all things crocodile. He pretends there are crocodiles in every spare body of water (even his cup at the dinner table). The dude lives in a fantasyland where he rides, defends, thwarts, and avades numerous crocodiles. It is HIS thing.

And, hey, for the record, I am fine with him being a crocodile. But, I'm also not a big fan of the pomp and circumstance of Halloween...so I'm not forkin' over $20 for a EBay version of a crocodile costume. Which led to the frog costume that Aunt Sara already had, which led to the whole thought that I would let him put on the frog costume and just 'THINK' that he was a crocodile (you know, paint his face and put little sharp teeth on it). I seriously thought that he would just BELIEVE that this was a crocodile costume because I said so. AND, he's 2 years old--he would NEVER know the difference.

So, (I know this story contains a lot of 'so' and 'which'--I don't really know why, it's just happening) I got Lachlan all pimped out as a world-class fairy. I mean, pimped, as in a 4-year-old with a Jheri curl and body glitter. To be honest, she was so cute I took a million pictures. Here's a sample:

She wouldn't even stop to let me take a picture on her way into her preschool Halloween party. Here she is running from the car.

At the preschool party with her classroom treats. Right after I took this picture she asked me when I was leaving. It was probably because of how I was dressed...I would have been embarrassed if I had any dignity left at all.

On the way home from the preschool party, Jack begged to put on his crocodile costume. I thought it was probably a good idea because I had never even tried it on to see if it would fit.

When I pulled it out of the closet, I made sure to make a big deal about how this was a crocodile costume...we put it on and then went to look in the mirror. While looking in the mirror, he suddenly got huge tears in his eyes and looked just devastated--no, devastated doesn't even cut it, he was heart-broken--crushed. He looked at me with those tears rolling down his face and said, "Mama, this isn't a crocodile, it's a frog!" And then he sobbed.

I felt like a turd. And that, my friends, is edited for content.

I haven't been that sick about a bad decision in a long time. Oh, I felt terrible. And to make matters, worse I started saying that we would go to the store and find a costume and I would make it all better...and the whole time I'm thinking, "holy crap, it is the day before Halloween and the only thing that is going to be left in this town is a bad mask left over from the George Bush years."

And then I prayed the prayer of desperation...and then I prayed it again, and again, and again.

I really don't know who was helping me out on the 'other side'--who is the angel that is in charge of helping idiot mothers fix their own stupid, miscalculated mistakes the day before Halloween, but that ANGEL should get PROMOTED! Because we found a 2T dragon costume that frankly, I would have paid $75 dollars for, but due to the eleventh hour only cost $10 bucks.

My boy was thrilled because I threw in a brand new plastic sword (an additional, $3.50) and told him that it was "Puff, the Magic Dragon". [sigh] I can't imagine that there was ever greater relief felt regarding a purchase at Shopko.

And that, is the story of how I almost ruined Halloween, but was saved by a last minute miracle purchase and learned a good lesson about what is acceptable when trying to fool your own children and save a few dollars.

Thank you Hallow's Eve angel. Gold star for you.

Here he is, "Puff, the Magic Dragon":

Lastly, a postscript: I still had enough time to make my favorite Halloween treat. I tried a few new things this year. I used double-stuff Oreos over the carmel and chocolate. Oh, it is soooo good. I wasn't sure if I would like it, but it will be a mainstay from now on. I also tried candy-corn. I actually like candy corn, but it wasn't very good on the apples because you couldn't get the pieces to stay on when the apple was sliced. It just didn't look appetizing. Just a little FYI for my fellow apple dippers out there. Reese's pieces seemed to stay on better and they tasted very good.

what i want to remember about today

Jack asked (okay, screamed at me) that he needed more milk. I poured. He hastily pushed the cup away and said that he was full of milk.

Grrrrr....

I told him that he needed to drink his milk or sit in time out until he wanted to drink it. (There isn't any logic here, so don't try to insert any...just follow the story for what it is)

He ran down the hall bawling and screaming.
He sat in timeout for at least 15 minutes. When he finally calmed down, I asked him if he was ready to drink his milk. He was.

He drank it in two gulps.
I told him, "Thank you, now give me a high five."
High five.

He then proceeded to run back down the hall in his SpiderMan pajamas. He yells out, "I drank all my milk!" Then he punches his left fist high into the air and yells, "Yahoo!" and kind of does this skip-hop thing with his feet.

I want to remember that moment.
Just like that.
For the rest of my life.

Man, I love that kid.

Please, let this be the last one....

Lachlan and Jeff headed to the hospital. It was really early, but she had her backpack all ready the night before. She really is a professional when it comes to pre-op. She always gets excited to see the doctors "her friends" at the hospital.

This last surgery was intended to fill in the last little hole in her left eardrum with a 'fat patch'. It is literally a small piece of fat that is grafted over the hole. We LOVE her ear doctor. He has been so good to L and I think that she thinks that he is wonderful. Her ears don't hurt anymore and she has perfect pitch.

Post-0p is a lot less fun. She is so brave. As you can see, her two front teeth are also gone. Dr. D had to remove them because they never healed. Some of you will remember how rotten and broken her two front teeth were when she was adopted. They were capped, but were never able to heal properly. She looks different, but I think that she is glad to get rid of them. She never really could do anything with them (like bite or chew) because they always were sore and bleeding.
She is holding her two front teeth and a sticker. Honestly, she would have surgery once a week if she could get a sticker or a band-aid. Jeff told her at the hospital about the tooth fairy. She was very excited. She told him that maybe she would get some 'dollars'. She does love a good financial reward.
Home at last. No suckers. No candy. A donut? Sure, why not.
The tooth fairy brought her some 'gold dollars' and 'paper dollars'. She started yelling in her room at 7AM, "There's money in my room!" She was so excited she was shaking and had it all laid out on her bed in the dark! It was so cute I almost bawled!

We are so proud of how well she has handled all of these surgeries. We are certainly hoping that this will be the end of the rough start. [sigh of relief]

No. 4

Lachlan's birthday celebration included a trip to the playland at the FunPark, chinese food, and a big girl bed. She is growing up so fast. We are so pleased to see the amazing progress she has had this past year. She has worked really hard. Her determination is one her her strengths.

I recently stumbled upon some video footage that Susie took that first night in China. I am incredibly humbled by how much Heavenly Father has blessed her to overcome some incredible challenges. I was amazed at how I could hardly remember the frail and horrible condition she was in, but I don't forget how overwhelming it felt at the time. Her aunt Susie has been such a support to me and a special friend to Lachlan. I always get choked up thinking about that special bond.

Here she is...take a good look at those expensive teeth she is sporting, it will be the last time you see them!!

Big girl bed. She was so excited to be a big girl...even gave up her 'sucking blankets' (hallejuah!). She specifically asked for a kitty cat bedspread and sheets with paw prints--may God continually bless Target for meeting that request.
Celebrating with Chinese food!

This kid loves her dad. There was never a kid who loved someone more...

Chinese kids love noodles. Not a cliche'. A fact.

September Before October

I can't post our Halloween pictures until I get Labor Day up...

We had the first annual Judd Ranch Labor-free Campout this year. It was fun to have everyone there. I'm not a great camper, but Jeff took the kids nearly every weekend for the entire summer. The kids LOVE it. Even when they aren't camping they are building 'campfires' with Jack's Lincoln Logs or roasting hot dogs over the side of the couch.

It's not really that I don't enjoy being out-of-doors. I like that, but I am a horrible sleeper in a tent. It mostly amounts to me laying there praying that somehow I will fall asleep or at the very least, have an out-of-body experience so that time will move faster for this one night. I did bring an air mattress, which helped, but only slightly.

I know that this collage is as ugly as sin, but I couldn't figure out how to blend it properly. I have been trying to extend my Photoshop knowledge, but I don't have a lot of time to practice. Hence, shoddy craftmanship.For what it's worth, I was quite surprised to see these photos of Lachlan posing for her NRA membership card. Jeff took these...and for the record she loved holding that gun in one hand and her baby doll in the other. It was like a cover shot for a Joan Wilder romance novel. She takes after her aunt Sara because she likes to pull the trigger with her eyes closed. There were lots of 4-wheeler rides. Grandpa came to rescue the kids on the hike up the road--it is much easier to get back to camp this way. This is Lachlan riding with her Uncle Shane. Lachlan LOVES to 'drive'. She loved it so much that she actually wore a blister on her hand. She told her dad that she is going to need some driving gloves next year. Camping with cousins. The kids are still talking about Chris and Brook and playing in the trailer with Nanny. Erica came with the twins. She perched them up on a log to feed them. Camping with my family involves a lot of cards, food, book reading and puzzles. I chose to bring a 500-piece puzzle of a lighthouse in Maine. Mom brought the puzzle to me after a trip there a few years back. I hadn't ever taken the time to put it together and I figured it would be fun. This was not a fun puzzle. It took hours. Several hours. I began to question whether it was possible to finish it at all--we all took turns staring at the pieces until our eyes were crossed. (Notice in the beginning it is daytime)
Susie finally finishes the puzzle (notice the nighttime!). I've got to hand it to her, the last 20 pieces were awful. You literally couldn't decide if you should just jam them down and make it work. Once it was completed I threw the whole thing in the fire. Shortly after that, Jack threw up all over our sleeping bags and we hopped in the truck and spent the night at Nanny Nancy's house. It's probably the first time I've been excited that someone puked on my bed.

Jack throws one last stick on the fire. Notice the sour puss look on Lachlan's face. She was one grumpy grumper that morning. Ahh, nothing like the fresh air to make you want to get a good night sleep!

Inspired by Texture

I taught myself how to add texture to photographs. Oh, how I love it!!
Summer photos, I have big plans for you!

Harvest Results

I like gardening. I like fresh fruits and vegetables. I really can't even explain the level of self-fulfillment that I have when I take it from this to something that can be preserved for a season (a very LONG season). There aren't many things that you do where you can see the results--for me, canning is about instant gratification. It's my own little version of food pornography.

The best part is that this year I only had to purchase peaches. I grew everything or was able to harvest it from a friend who had too much (a big thanks to Mary for the apricots and Janet for the apples).

Canning Totals 2009

• 7 pints apricot jam
• 7 1/2 pints chili sauce
• 38 quarts peaches
• 12 quarts tomatoes
• 12 pints tomatillos
• 8 pints jalapeno jelly
• 1/2 pound sun-dried tomatoes
• 24 pints of salsa
• 15 1/2 pints sweet relish
• 15 pints Bread and Butter Pickles
• 15 pints plain applesauce
• 8 pints cinnamon applesauce
• 9 pints plum cinnamon applesauce

Can I hear some applause? All good peep shows end with applause.

A Sick Person's Mind

I get premonitions. You're either going to believe that last statement, or not, but if you really know me you will know that I get premonitions.

I dreamed about the H1N1 virus. I had a strong urge to get my kids in to be vaccinated.

I'm not an alarmist, I just had a premonition.

Turns out, I was right.

(there was a large section of this post that has been deleted by the author. I'll spare you most of my personal comments and summarize the rant by saying, "get your freaking kids vaccinated and quit watching the 'experts' on YouTube." Seriously, if you are a REAL doctor you will not be posting your latest research on YouTube.)

deep breath.

The deletion was brought about by the fact that I've had the opportunity to read the Op-Ed section of the Trib all week. Man, people are losing their minds left and right because they just can't let things go! I know that people love gays, hate gays, want to ride their bikes on the freeway, saw too many inappropriate movies with their kids, want access to porn in a public library, think that the end of the world is coming because General Conference said so... BUT do we need to get so riled up about it that we publish 4000 letters to the editor trying to convince every other person to feel the exact same way??

Honestly, the worst paper in the world for this is our local liar. After this past week, I would have told you that every lunatic west of the Mississippi lives in our town (okay, maybe we could even narrow it down to just Smithfield and Hyrum)--these people will never be pedophiles, drunk drivers or even F-bomb droppers, but I'm quite confident that they are more angry, more filled with hate and discontent than any doped up, formerly abused, son-of-a-bitch saying neonazi ever will be!

Truthfully, the emotion that comes creeping up in my throat (along with the bile) most oft is embarrassment. Why? Because I'm living in Utah, that's why. You can pretty much hang your hat on the fact that the worst offenders are "Sunday go-to-meetin'" kinda folk. AND that puts us together in the majority of the rest. AND that is embarrassing. If I lived somewhere else, you could push it off as just 'crazy talk', but here, it's just the talk.

And I am sick of it. I'm embarrassed by it. I'm appalled by it.

And I'm asking all of you letter-writing angry people to just calm down.
Hit the delete button.
Turn down the volume on Fox News, Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh.
Let's turn up the volume on civility. Sing a few hymns.
I don't know, maybe a few of you just need a little more exercise or something...

or just a good case of the swine flu to get you to think about the big picture.