Deep Thoughts about Asia

Well, these pictures are loading really strangely. I don't know why this first one looks so odd. On Friday we toured Nanjing Road and the Yu Yuan Gardens. The Yuan Gardens were built by [according to Alice] a very wealthy businessman who developed much of Shanghai. The gardens are located in a central business district [read: tourist trap]. They compose about two hectares (acres) of open space. It really is pretty fascinating. The outer area is filled with tourists, kids skipping school, old people doing crazy stuff (see old woman pushing her dog in the wheelchair below), and pan handlers. The items most of them are selling are either two-wheeled roller skates that hook onto the wheels of your shoes [Alice discouraged us immediately because "maybe little bit dangerous for you"] OR little magic tricks like the blocks hooked on a string that roll over each other and make it look like you have an endless supply of blocks. I'm absolutely certain that Jack would spend his entire allowance on either in an instant.

 All the old women in Shanghai are either wearing pajama pants or snowpants. They are obviously very practical. Comfy and warm. This woman could barely move, but apparently poochie was in even worse shape. The best thing I saw all day was an elderly woman who had her fleece comfort pants on--they had rhinestones bedazzled in the words, "do me" on the hip pockets. I'm going to just give her the benefit of the doubt and say that she didn't have a clue what the words meant in English.

 Lots of tasty treats near the gardens. Octopus or quail eggs on a spit. I could possibly get the eggs down if my life depended on it. They also had lots of tiny whole chickens on a stick.

Inside the gardens are lots of ponds filled with turtles (meaning long life) and Koi fish (red fish are lucky). Alice told me that these yellow flowers mean "spring is coming"--I told her that Forsythia is what they are called in English. She had lots of trouble saying that word. Some of the flowers, tulip trees, Magnolias, and these pink flowers are coming into bloom. My allergies are out of control. Between the pollution, cigarette smoke, dirty water (my eyes burn when I wash my face with the tap water), and pollen I am a sneezing, runny nosed-mess.

 Japanese cedar trees. Perfectly straight. All of the pathways in the garden are zig zag so that you will slow down and think about your life and gain serenity.

 Alice took us to the Number One restaurant in Shanghai. She made it very clear that it wasn't the best restaurant, but was just called "number one". She ordered some of her favorite dishes for us to try. Left to right: Curried noodles (vermicelli-type) with green onions, pumpkin puffs, sauteed baby bok choy, sweet/spicy chicken feet, red bean jello squares, curried rice with beef, rice gluten fried ball rolled in sesame seeds, not pictured is the sweet potato jello that is served fried. Let's talk about lunch for a minute... the rice and noodle dishes were excellent. I will also say that the sesame ball thing wasn't bad. It was very chewy and you had to chew while waiting for the gluten to dissolve a bit in your mouth--this sensation is okay if you remember to breathe in through your nose the whole time. It's the same with the pumpkin ball thing--although the outside of this one is fried so the bit of crispy really helps with the texture. None of this food is particularly spicy--Alice says that Shanghai isn't known for spicy food. She prefers the food from her home city in Jiangxi Province which is much spicier. The sauteed bok choy is excellent. I think I ate most of what was served. I think that I can recreate this dish at home. The red bean jello square--tasted like eating a glob of warm rubber cement minus the chemical fumes. The sweet potato fried jello square--it was very warm, not really sweet and I thought I could probably power through it with some dignity until I asked Alice what it was called to which she replied, "um, I don't know how to say in English, but Chinese means, horse hooves." To which I reponded, "gelatin or collagen". "Ah, yes! Yes! Same with pig feet!" she returned. About the same moment I looked over and Jeff was finishing off a chicken foot and I could hear the squeak in his teeth of the chicken skin and cartilage and suddenly I was overly full. Alice was awesome and powered through those chicken feet like a champ. She sucked every bit of skin and cartilage from those bones. She said, "my dad makes. He a good cooker." Hey, I totally believe it. If you can make a tasty batch of chicken feet you've got hella skills in my book.

 After the gardens and lunch, Alice walked us down the Bund. The Bund is the riverwalk that runs along the Yangtze River. It's wide and deep and reminds me of the Mississippi, but filthy. I have a hard time determining if it's the water I smell or the air--something is laced with heavy petrochemicals--it's probably both. The tall tower in the background is the Imperial Tower. At night you can see that the whole city lights up like the Vegas Strip. The Strip mixed with Times Square.

 The large white tower in the foreground is a "heroes memorial". It's made entirely of ugly cinder block, but you can't tell that until you are very close. Our hotel is directly across the street from the memorial. We're in a great location.

We went back to walk the Bund and Nanjing Road at night. Nanjing Road is exactly like walking Times Square at night--except more people. Tens of thousands of people--just wandering and hanging out. There's lots of shopping and eating. They have trolley cars that take tourists up and down the walk way. Alice kept asking us all day long if we were too tired to keep walking. She would look at me and say, "you want to call cab? Some women maybe tired. Feet hurt and need to rest?"

 That hotel straight out of Gotham is our hotel. The Broadway Mansion. This bridge is a "very famous bridge" that connects the East and West sides of the city. There were no less than a dozen couples taking their engagement pictures on this bridge. Some very odd looking pictures if you ask me--very dramatic. The dresses were usually red, with lots of sequins (for men and women) and some swoopy-doop hairdos.

What you can't see is that getting your picture taken on this bridge is technically a suicide attempt. The buses, large trucks, and other high speed traveling vehicles just swerve around the people and other cars. Nobody slows down they just honk and try to squeeze by each other. Today I saw one lady who was damned and determined that she was going to stand in the center of the road and have her wedding picture taken--she literally darted out in between traffic screaming at the photographer to hurry and take the picture before she got run over. Her groom looked really nervous as he was supposed to look really sexy and calm. You can't help but stop and stare. Talk about a train wreck.

That staring experience was only surpassed by two other instances:
1) I saw a woman walking through a Buddhist Temple with what appeared to be the world's worst case of camel toe--when in reality it was merely an unfortunate blow out of her stretch pants--in the front.
2) An old man jogging through the crowds at the Bund (crowds think: trying to leave Stadium of Fire)--and he literally is in slow motion. Oh, I am totally laughing just thinking about it. Moving his arms and legs like he is pretending--and all I can say to Jeff is, "he is wearing a pink shirt under that red velor sweatsuit"--to which Jeff replies, "lay off he's racing for the cure!" And then I laugh like a crazy woman and people start to take our picture...cause WE'RE the weirdos!

In conclusion, I have also come to realize that Lachlan is truly a product of China. These ARE her people. I honestly don't know how it is possible for someone who was removed as an infant to inherently possess these genuinely Eastern habits and tastes, but I am telling you--it. is. possible. I can't tell you how many times I've thought to myself that she is just "socially awkward"--but it's only because she's not here!

Want to laugh by covering your mouth with your hand and only make a "tee-hee-hee" noise?
In the U.S.--a little weird. Here--like every single woman.
Want to wear sequins and glitter on every part of your body?
In the U.S.--tacky. Here--rocking it--heck, while you're at it bring that hem line up 12 or 15 inches.
Want to rub the back of a total stranger or classmate while helping them read a magazine or newspaper?
At EBLS--awkward city. Here--totes cool. Even men/boys are getting into the public snuggling.
Is your favorite flavor seaweed? Yes--you're Asian. No--you're not.

It is going to be so interesting to bring Greta home. I can't wait to see how she and Lachlan make some of these connections.