Louisa Turns Three

Louisa turned three in January.

It's March. Time flies.
One year ago today we disrupted the adoption for Greta. I still have things I can't bear to say about that day. Why? I don't think I'll ever be able to answer why things happened the way that they did, but they led us to Louisa.

Next week will mark eight months--I don't think that I have been this tired ever. I've actually wondered if I have a disease because I'm SO tired. Louisa never stops. She's the first one up in the morning and the last one to bed. All day long she tells me it's "time-a-doh, doh, doh!" [time to go, go, go] She eats holes in her clothes, picks all of the stuffing out of her animals, ripped the stitching out of the couch cushion, fell face first down the stairs, drinks out of the cat bowl, ate a piece of paper, and used a crayon on my favorite chair--and that's just been since last Wednesday!

For her birthday she got some crayons, a stick pony, and a bunch of Play-doh. She loves to draw. She's used up every Sticky-Note pad we have in the house. I've actually considered embezzling some from the University to try and feed her habit. She is also obsessed with horses. She will point out every horse, donkey, and mule on every road in the valley, then she'll say, "tell Papa get me horsey!"

Everything is mine. My bus, my house, my car, my friend, my store, my school...you get the idea.

She still loves to sing. The Frozen soundtrack plays non-stop at our house--of course, she only sings one line, "Leh-eh doh, leh-eh doh!"

We got such good news at the end of February. After several tests and a couple of miracles, we were finally able to find a preschool teacher who advocated for her to be in the special education preschool and speech classes for the Cache District. I cried after the IEP meeting because I KNEW that she needed it and we had gotten such a run around trying to get her enrolled. She now goes to preschool two times a week and has a speech class four times a week. Her speech is really bad--2%. We are only understanding about 40% of what she says in context--out of context it's more like 10%. It is so frustrating for us and for her. I'm really hoping that the speech work will help us avoid some of the tantrums and misunderstandings [i.e., I ask her if she is in her room and she yells back, "whegyt styedg seysegcvy"--which means no, I'm shoving a paper clip into the bathroom electrical plug]

I also really love this preschool teacher because she lays the smack down. Louisa has control issues. And by that I mean she would like to control the world. I have seen her bully adults and manipulate them into practically giving her cash and gold dollars. Hey, I'll admit that it's a useful skill, but one I'd like to see gone forever. The first time we sat down with Mrs. K she tried to pull her usual stunts and Mrs. K shut it down so fast that Louisa literally screamed out loud. I fully expected her to shout, "How dare you try to defeat me!!" It was awesome. I did a silent inner victory dance it was so awesome. At any rate, she and Mrs. K have a love/hate relationship--it's a win-win-win.

AND...I just happened to mention the experience to her church nursery leader and so she was also able to capitalize on a hostile takeover of her on Sunday. It involved practically sitting on her to make her stay in timeout--but she did it--and over time I KNOW it will help her understand that she is not the boss! It's the small victories that keep me from assuming a new identity and driving away in the night.

I am proud of Louisa for how brave she has been with going to preschool. They send a bus for her, right to the house. The night before the first day she had bad nightmares. It's pretty consistent with a big change. She still gets very frightened about someone coming to take her away. We have worked hard to say things like, "you're my baby. I'm your mommy." She always repeats it and I think it makes her feel better. Anyway, that first morning she was so nervous. She didn't want to get on the bus until I told her she would go to school and then come home and eat lunch with me. She told me she wanted a hot dog. I told her if she would ride the bus I would make her a hot dog for lunch. After that, she seemed to calm down because there was an understanding that she would be home to eat with me. I walked her out to the bus and lifted her on. I had to come in the house and cry a few tears because it was really hard to send her and wonder if she was scared to death. I was so happy to see her get off the bus and be okay.