Current State of Affairs

 Let's start at the beginning, which is about four weeks AFTER this picture was taken...wherein I discover that both kittens have ringworm. Do yourself a favor and DON'T Google it. You won't sleep at night wondering if your pets have it. I Googled it after I purchased the special anti-fungal shampoo from Amazon.com--didn't sleep for three days. Once again, Aunt Carrie to the rescue. We washed every piece of bedding in the entire house, vacuumed every corner, washed every wall, bleached every floor...then we drank Diet Coke and took 800mg of Ibuprofen. Truthfully, there are worse things than ringworm but all the websites basically went on for pages about how you'll never get rid of it and then the kids will get it. Ugh. What a nightmare!

So today marks four weeks of treatment--I cried in the bathroom from sheer relief after washing the THIRD cat. It takes three hours to wash three cats, bleach the bathroom, scrub the laundry room, wash all of the towels in bleach and vacuum the whole house. I have done this at LEAST twice a week for the past four weeks. I haven't seen any new growth on any of the cats for a full week--which leads me to believe that maybe by some miracle I will actually be able to resume a normal life--free of chloromethelhexane! My advice to you is simple: go ahead and get a shelter cat--but you shouldn't leave until you've witnessed that animal under a wood lamp. If you don't know what it is Google it. You'll save yourself 4-6 weeks of detox.
No good deed goes unpunished.

 Well, next Saturday is the Pond Skim party at Beaver Mountain. I can't believe that we're through another season already. We are taking Louisa for her inaugural ski trip. We managed to get up to the mountain most Saturdays. I even took the kids by myself a couple of times, which tells you how much better they have gotten this year. Jack's favorite runs are in the terrain park. Lachlan's favorite move is the "squat and tuck"--elbows out. It's pretty funny.

 My favorite day of the season was with this lady. Can't get her to leave the Sev' behind these days...so it was awesome to have her all to myself for the whole day.

 And on an unrelated note: I took these pictures of my girls eating. They eat exactly the same way. Mouth so wide open that their eyes scrunch up and seal shut. Lachlan actually looks in pain when she bites into stuff. I always thought it was crazy until Louisa showed up and eats just like her! Is this an Asian thing? I don't know, but it is pretty interesting. Check out that vein on Lachlan's forehead--bulging out from biting down on pizza crust.

Jack is Seven!

Dear Jack,
You made it to number seven!
Those teeth are killing me. It's only March, but your right front tooth is already in and the left is poking through the gum. Goblin teeth. I also can't believe that a seven-year-old gets this much food on their face when they eat, but you always do...at every meal. You like to spoon huge globs of food into your mouth like you are Johnny Chestnut at the hot dog championship. It's really gross, but definitely you.

You had another Super Hero birthday this year. That Avengers t-shirt you are wearing gets worn at least twice a week--maybe because almost everything we bought you for school is already too small. You grew a full two sizes this past year. I love it when you show me your muscles and ask me to feel how big they are getting. Dad always tells you to stop growing and you love to tell him that you "just can't help it!" I know that you really love getting bigger.

You are reading chapter books and I know that you can read all of the Dr. Seuss books now. You like to read them to Louisa even though she won't listen and usually ends up playing a farting game with you. At least you start out with good intentions.

I was so proud of you for wanting to have your goal this year to be "controlling your temper". I've been so pleased with how you are trying to be patient with your sisters. Lachlan can't hear a word you are saying and Louisa is nuts...so I know it can be really frustrating!

I wanted to give you a kitten this year for your birthday because you have a really good heart for loving animals. Taking care of animals is a good way to learn how to be gentle and responsible at the same time. I love watching you play and laugh with Tiger. I also love that you are trying to "learn how to talk to cats"--just keep practicing--I know you'll figure it out someday.

I asked you if you wanted to be a veterinarian when you grew up. You said, "no, I want to be a police or a fireman." You're awesome and for the record, let's shoot for something not so exciting. :)

Miss Sharp says that you are a good example in first grade. You sit at a table with some "difficult boys"--thank you for trying to do your best to work hard and help others. If you'll keep doing that you'll never need to look for friends you'll always have the best people around you. Don't forget to stand up for kids who are getting bullied. You're a popular kid and your opinion can really make a difference for others who are having a tough time.

This past year I've noticed that you've started to be able to find the pitch in a song. Your dad and I think it's pretty cool. You have a really deep voice--someday it's going to be awesome.

Jack's New Kittens:

 Staring out the window at the chickens--it was very exciting until I let them go outside and see them up close. Simply put, chickens are not prey for cats.

 Mr. Charlie: He's a lot like our old cat Ernie. Very neurotic. I'm wondering if this is an orange tabby thing??
Poor Charlie had a terrible cold from the animal shelter--he had a pretty scabbed up face too.

Tiger: Jack named him. He's such a good kitty. He holds his tail straight up in the air--all day long.

Louisa Turns Three

Louisa turned three in January.

It's March. Time flies.
One year ago today we disrupted the adoption for Greta. I still have things I can't bear to say about that day. Why? I don't think I'll ever be able to answer why things happened the way that they did, but they led us to Louisa.

Next week will mark eight months--I don't think that I have been this tired ever. I've actually wondered if I have a disease because I'm SO tired. Louisa never stops. She's the first one up in the morning and the last one to bed. All day long she tells me it's "time-a-doh, doh, doh!" [time to go, go, go] She eats holes in her clothes, picks all of the stuffing out of her animals, ripped the stitching out of the couch cushion, fell face first down the stairs, drinks out of the cat bowl, ate a piece of paper, and used a crayon on my favorite chair--and that's just been since last Wednesday!

For her birthday she got some crayons, a stick pony, and a bunch of Play-doh. She loves to draw. She's used up every Sticky-Note pad we have in the house. I've actually considered embezzling some from the University to try and feed her habit. She is also obsessed with horses. She will point out every horse, donkey, and mule on every road in the valley, then she'll say, "tell Papa get me horsey!"

Everything is mine. My bus, my house, my car, my friend, my store, my school...you get the idea.

She still loves to sing. The Frozen soundtrack plays non-stop at our house--of course, she only sings one line, "Leh-eh doh, leh-eh doh!"

We got such good news at the end of February. After several tests and a couple of miracles, we were finally able to find a preschool teacher who advocated for her to be in the special education preschool and speech classes for the Cache District. I cried after the IEP meeting because I KNEW that she needed it and we had gotten such a run around trying to get her enrolled. She now goes to preschool two times a week and has a speech class four times a week. Her speech is really bad--2%. We are only understanding about 40% of what she says in context--out of context it's more like 10%. It is so frustrating for us and for her. I'm really hoping that the speech work will help us avoid some of the tantrums and misunderstandings [i.e., I ask her if she is in her room and she yells back, "whegyt styedg seysegcvy"--which means no, I'm shoving a paper clip into the bathroom electrical plug]

I also really love this preschool teacher because she lays the smack down. Louisa has control issues. And by that I mean she would like to control the world. I have seen her bully adults and manipulate them into practically giving her cash and gold dollars. Hey, I'll admit that it's a useful skill, but one I'd like to see gone forever. The first time we sat down with Mrs. K she tried to pull her usual stunts and Mrs. K shut it down so fast that Louisa literally screamed out loud. I fully expected her to shout, "How dare you try to defeat me!!" It was awesome. I did a silent inner victory dance it was so awesome. At any rate, she and Mrs. K have a love/hate relationship--it's a win-win-win.

AND...I just happened to mention the experience to her church nursery leader and so she was also able to capitalize on a hostile takeover of her on Sunday. It involved practically sitting on her to make her stay in timeout--but she did it--and over time I KNOW it will help her understand that she is not the boss! It's the small victories that keep me from assuming a new identity and driving away in the night.

I am proud of Louisa for how brave she has been with going to preschool. They send a bus for her, right to the house. The night before the first day she had bad nightmares. It's pretty consistent with a big change. She still gets very frightened about someone coming to take her away. We have worked hard to say things like, "you're my baby. I'm your mommy." She always repeats it and I think it makes her feel better. Anyway, that first morning she was so nervous. She didn't want to get on the bus until I told her she would go to school and then come home and eat lunch with me. She told me she wanted a hot dog. I told her if she would ride the bus I would make her a hot dog for lunch. After that, she seemed to calm down because there was an understanding that she would be home to eat with me. I walked her out to the bus and lifted her on. I had to come in the house and cry a few tears because it was really hard to send her and wonder if she was scared to death. I was so happy to see her get off the bus and be okay.

The Hesitant Disciple

I've been thinking a lot about "the rich man who went away sorrowing."

In Matthew 19, there's a parable about a man who came to inquire of Jesus what he could do to inherit the Kingdom of Heaven. Jesus told him that he should keep the commandments; to which he responds:

All these things have I kept from you youth up: what lack I yet? Jesus said unto him, If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell that thou hast, and give to the poor, and thou shalt have treasure in heaven: and come and follow me. But the young man heard that saying, he went away sorrowful: for he had great possessions.

This was obviously a good man. He keeps the commandments. He has been listening to the counsel of the Savior. He goes away sorrowful because what Christ has asked him to do was the most difficult thing; that which required the greatest sacrifice.

I wonder if this young man ever changed his mind. I wonder if he ever grew up and thought, "okay, I think I can do this now." Maybe he just needed to go home and think about it for a while--you know, like when you get a calling you don't think you can do and the bishop tells you to go home and pray about it?

What I know for sure is that I'm probably more like this young man than I'd like to admit to-- there are so many times when the Lord asks me to do something that I do not want to do. I don't want to think about it, let alone get it done. Do I go away sorrowful? Sure, but here's the thing...MOST of the time I just need some time to think about it. I need to ask myself the hard questions, test the waters, take a walk and talk it over with a good friend and THEN I give it a try.

Folks, I'm a hesitant disciple.

I wish that I could tell you that I drop my work at the first sign of missionary work like Peter and Paul, or pray throughout the night to repent of my sins like Enos--but I don't. I'm not there yet. I'm lacking and I know it.

I was thinking about all of this while I was getting the house cleaned up last week and I was genuinely surprised by the quiet answer that I received from the Spirit. I was wishing that I could be more like Peter or Paul and the thought came very distinctly that God loves the sinners and much as he loves the righteous. It's easy to see how he can love the peacemakers, patient mothers, valiant tithe payers, and fearless missionaries-- sometimes it's harder for me to see and understand how he can love the do-gooders, one-uppers, stinkers, sour pusses, bullies, haters, ....and well, the consistently hesitant.
.

When You Get to There

Jack, Lachlan, & Louisa,

Here's the thing--your mom gets really bugged by the organization of the church lately. I can finally say that I'm at a point with my disagreement with the overall acknowledgement and respect for women that I just want to shake somebody.

I hope that by the time you read this with an understanding that women aren't relegated to one talk and maybe a prayer at General Conference. I hope that your ward has a bishop and some counselors who have a legitimate clue about the concerns, frustrations, and desires of the women in your neighborhood--and that he doesn't speak to you like you are a complete dough-head. I hope that you have a Relief Society president who cares more about serving people in the way they NEED to be served rather than quoting every two minutes from the "white handbook."

I am so low.

I feel like I'm trapped in a box and that there is so little help of ever getting out.

I want you to be aware that organizations will always abuse people because they are so conservative--individual needs get pushed out of the way in exchange for maintaining the status quo of the organization. There is a need for you to be greater than the organization--a voice for the people who are being abused by the majority. But it is hard. It is so very, very hard to be the voice for people who aren't the "ideal member".

The more you learn about continuing revelation--the more you learn about how the organization of the church really functions (yes, they do survey members to determine how much should change)--the more frustrated you may become. I can only say that...I know. Keep reading your scriptures. Keep clinging to the Articles of Faith ( read #9 over and over and over again). Pour your whole soul into the doctrine. Read the Old Testament and dig so very deep into why the Plan of Salvation in necessary. Read the New Testament and memorize scriptures about how Christ lived, how he taught, and how he loved. There was never a greater feminist than Jesus Christ. Not. Ever.

Lachlan and Louisa, there is a place for you in this church, but you will probably have to rely greatly upon your own testimony and revelation to rise above some un-Christlike behavior, talks, comments, bigotry...and most likely, racism. I wish it weren't so--but the organization has created an enormous machine of extremism. It's so extreme that even I get afraid to speak out for fear of losing my church callings or receiving even more open criticism for what I believe to be right.

Jack, be careful. Be observant. Son, the greatest responsibility lies with you. Your dad is an amazing example. I hope that you listen and watch very carefully when he speaks about those whom he serves. Jesus doesn't give a rip snort if you get your Eagle in a ridiculous scouting program. He wants you to LEARN how to love, how to serve, how to read and study and lead. He wants you to use your Priesthood as a tool to represent HIM, not to determine if girls can go on a hike without you! He wants you to stand up for gays, single women, widows, people who don't know if they can keep coming every week, those who have been offended, families who only want one kid, women who work, dads that leave the church, young women who wear short skirts and smoke in the bathrooms at church, abused kids....I could fill this whole page! Do you understand that there isn't a mold for someone to belong?? It's YOUR job to love them enough to help them figure out how THEY can serve and be served. That's the role of the Priesthood-- there are many, many, so many men who will show you by their example the wrong way. If you're ever in a situation where you don't know what to do I hope that you'll really think about first, what would Jesus do; and second, what would my dad do?

I don't want you to ever doubt that I have a testimony of the church. I think the most painful thing for me is that unequivocally, it is impossible for me to deny it. I know that I have covenanted with God to live according to the knowledge I have been given--and truly it has been one of my greatest blessings. I bear testimony that studying the scriptures will help you to find peace. I am trying to get to a place where the "church" is something that I have a strong testimony of--I know that it is a place of great fire where we are to refine our abilities to love people. There are many who I struggle to associate with--not love--just deal with--and I know that it is His will that I love them. Perhaps, it is ironic that my biggest struggle is loving the seemingly ideal member while for many they cannot love the alternative. I suppose that hypocrisy comes in all forms. Jesus taught his disciples that "even the Publicans can love their friends," which is certainly true; it is difficult to love those who spite or abuse you.

Above all, remember that I stay for you! I stay for this family. I go every week [and practice some deep breathing] because I want you to understand that the reward is greater than the price BUT nothing will ever change in the organization if you are content to be satisfied with injustice and extremism. I hope that you're braver than me and that God will protect your hearts and minds so that you can think, and do, and say those things that will be counted for righteousness.

Lastly, I want you to think about this:

"The government of Heaven is not bishoprics and stake presidencies and prophets. These are constructs of a fallen world. The government of Heaven is a perfected King and Queen ruling together in righteousness." The priesthood referred to in Doctrine & Covenants 2--as being restored by Elijah is NOT the lower (Aaronic) or the higher (Melchizedek) but the FULLNESS of the priesthood that is only given to couples when they are sealed in the temple. The fullness of the priesthood is not his or hers...it is ours.

May it be.
Love,
Mom

Our New Years Goals

How in the world did January come and go?

We started off the New Year by listing some goals. Some for ourselves and some for our family. I printed some cute "Year in Review" pages from Pinterest and we used them as a guideline. Here are a few of the highlights:

Jack:
Some of the fun things that I did this year were: I got Legos. We went to Dinosaurland.
Some of the fun things that our family did together: We went skiing, we played Qwirkle.
My favorite book is: Magic Treehouse
Things that I worked hard on this year are: reading, art, and dribbling [a basketball--although, one may think it was while he eats]
My goals next year are: to try to keep my temper in; read chapter books; do an art project every month

Lachlan:
Some of the fun things that I did this year were: I was baptized on the same day as Louisa got sealed in the temple.
My favorite color is: blue and purple
My favorite movie is: My Little Pony
My favorite book is: A Light in the Attic
Things that I worked hard on this year are: spelling, math, reading, piano, singing, tennis
My goals next year are: not sucking on my sheets; not picking skin off my fingers; read five chapter books before school gets out.

Louisa:
My favorite movie is: Elmo
My favorite toys are: horses, bunny, rabbit, baby
My favorite friends are: Harper, Mayson, Amy, Mikall, McKenna
My favorite book: Pride & Prejudice Counting Book [she uses it as her scriptures in the morning]

Mom:
Highlights of my year: Trip to Dinosaurland; dinners with our friends; Lachlan's baptism; Louisa sealing; ski passes; walking with Angie
Things I worked hard on: completing the adoption; celebrating friendship; meaningful scripture study
Challenges I faced: starting over with a toddler; losing Greta; being a working mom; learning to love [at least not hate] difficult/mean/miserable people
My personal goals: less swearing; family history projects; keep a budget [for real]; consistent and meaningful scripture study; control temper; take a family vacation

Dad:

The Ho Ho Ho Comes

[Written December 27th]
We had a great Christmas holiday.

I've spent the past three days reading. This morning I woke up and realized that I had no where to go and nothing to do so I didn't even bother to get out of bed until 4PM. I read books all. day. long. There aren't even words for how much I loved it. It's also a wide revelation that I could easily become a dormant creature who leaves society for the love of words....or maybe the occasional movie.

The children had bean burritos from Taco Time last night for dinner; Peanut butter sandwiches for breakfast; McDonalds for lunch--and then I finished Allegiant just in time to make everyone eat "Big Salad" to make up for their mother's neglect. Hoping that overdosing on the fiber will make up for the complete lack of nutrients we have (not) consumed in the last week.

Mike & Ike's contain no actual fruit.

I took the kids to see Frozen before Christmas. Well, not Louisa, she had to stay with Angie. I didn't think that she could keep it together. Jack and Lachlan both loved it. I thought that Lachlan's eyes would come right out of her head when Queen Elsa builds the ice castle. Princesses and their castles are at the top of her cool list, right next to Pegasus and Unicorn. Tonight we saw on the news that some guy in Midway is building an ice castle and she is convinced that we need to drive out and tour it.

Jack literally knocked out a loose tooth today. Jeff hauled Lachlan to her allergy shot this afternoon while I stayed home in bed [reading] and Lou took a nap. Jack came home from the appointment screaming and running to the bathroom bawling. I thought for sure he had "overeaten" something and thrown up in the car [this happens alarmingly often]. Instead, he was screaming that it was "Dad's fault that my tooth got knocked out cause Dad was driving crazy and turned too sharp and my face hit the back of the other seat!" It was hilarious and I think the entire family was relieved that vomit removal wouldn't be necessary.

There were a few tense moments before Christmas where I was worried if we would have some PTSD with Louisa, but I think that we were able to get on top of it. A week ago the kids went with Jeff to Aunt Karen's and they got really wild and wound up with all of the cousins; when they went to go home Louisa threw a massive tantrum and screamed the whole way home. She kept on screaming for another 40 minutes after getting ready for bed. It was awful and so stressful. She was an absolute pill the next day and as Jeff said, "I think we broke her brain." Sometimes you just forget how hard making transitions can be for these kids. On the Sunday before Christmas, Santa stopped by and left some stuff in the Christmas box. The kids were so excited and started talking about how Santa is always watching--we got laughing about how Lachlan used to say that "Santa was sneaking around and always peeking in the windows". It was too much for Lou because she started telling me that "ho ho ho is scary!!" We laughed out loud until Jeff snuck up behind her and broke her brain again by saying, "ho! Ho! Ho!" She screamed out loud and leapt up on Jeff's lap and told him that "the Ho Ho Ho coming! Ho Ho Ho scary!" Well, that night she had horrible nightmares. The first time I heard her crying she was soaking with sweat. I had to peel her jammies off her to dry her off. The second time she clung to me and cried to hard that she "stay here, no go back!" Jeff and I aren't sure if she meant that she didn't want to go back to her bed or if she was frightened that Santa was going to come and take her back to the orphanage. Either way, she slept in my bed and I didn't sleep all night feeling sick about her being scared of being taken away. Susie reminded me that on her last days there they gave her a bunch of presents and had a party so maybe it was all too familiar in a bad way. I was really sick about it. After that, Santa never came to the Christmas Box at night. It was much better in the morning. I also arranged to take her to Santa at the mall. She was a little nervous, but she pulled on his real beard and told Santa she wanted a baby. From then on, the Ho Ho Ho wasn't scary anymore. We also really reeled it in at the family Christmas parties. We made her stay with us the whole time--which she hated [angry eyes]--but not a tantrum in sight. She was even able to keep it together long enough to participate in the nativity. Speaking of which, Lachlan calls it the "nate's-tit-vity." I'll probably never be able to say the word without a bit of cringe again for the rest of my life!

Stacy and Mark have been in China for the last two weeks picking up their new daughter. Today is our 5 month anniversary since we've been home with Louisa. Where has the time gone? I think that we've done pretty well. I've had so much anxiety for our friends because the feelings of being there are so overwhelmingly stressful. All you can think about is getting home--and all you can worry about is getting home. I wish that I could put the experience and feelings in a jar and sell it, but then nobody would ever adopt internationally. No. Seriously. Because you have to have a bit of naivety to get yourself on the plane--you have to believe that you can do it--if you felt that way before you left there would be no way you could take the leap. I know that that faith that "He would make a way out of no way" was my biggest blessing this year. There have been times over the last few months when I have honestly been locked in my closet [so nobody would die] and I have said, "How in the world did I get here? What have I done?" I know that the answer was nothing more than shear obedience to the Lord's will [both adopting and staying in the closet]. It wasn't the easiest thing, but it will be the best thing for us and I am feeling so blessed to know it.

Here's a few random shots from the holiday:

 Snowy day: Making a snow fort with Mac and Cate Carling.

 The Murray Family Nativity.

 The best part of the nativity was this shepherd. Curse you church gym lighting. Ugh.

Most hilarious part of the nativity was Lachlan trying to get my attention from behind the other "taller" angels. Later on she told me, "I tried to show you where I was cause those other big ladies just kept shoving to the top!"

 The vest Suz and I made for dad's gift. I really wanted one, but I couldn't think of where I would wear it?? Also, this picture makes me sentimental when I see that he has a "hurt finger"--I honestly can't think of a time when he hasn't had at least one blackened finger nail.

 This magical picture of Harper. The only decent picture all day...not of my kid.

 Christmas Eve: Bruce going back to finish off an earlier attempt to eat ALL of the beef jerky. In my mind, beef jerky is NOT a Christmas gift, but for Bruce and Jeff it is wonderful. This year the kids received half-chewed bits of Horlacher's Best. Bruce was down in the basement bloated from his own gluttony.

 Jack helping push Louisa to the top with his head on her butt.

Lachlan living the dream.

Weekly Roundup

1. I am so glad tomorrow is Friday. I have much to do to get ready for the holidays. There are several lists of items and projects. Fridays mean that I can stay up late and work without worrying about dealing with an early school morning. It also means that I'll have Jack and Lachlan to run interference with Louisa in the afternoon. You've got to have eyes on her at all times or she'll rob a bank or find some RIT dye.

2. I cannot stop thinking about this:
My friend at our agency posted this announcement:
Help remove the rock from my stomach. We have a talented, smart, helpful, and responsible 14 year old girl in our CHI European program who makes me worried sick. You can contact me for a picture but believe me she is an amazing beauty. She has done nothing to make me worry, its what will likely happen to her that has me so unnerved. We know what will be ahead for this attractive girl if she doesn't get a family. Please contact me or Nina Thompson for more information. This truly is about her very ability to use the gifts she has been born with.

Then I read Nina's personal response:

What happens when a child “ages out” of the orphanage?  Human trafficking is something nobody likes to think about. 

Least of all those of us with teenage boys and girls.  It is not just the girls who are at risk.  In some countries in Eastern Europe the largest export is human beings.  The sex trade is a billion dollar industry.  Children who have no families are at high risk for exploitation.  Not just teens, children. Children “go missing” from the orphanages.  Most commonly these children are lured, sold or forced into the sex trade.  Pimps are sometimes informed by unethical orphanage staff when a child is “aging out” and they wait to pick the child up outside the doors of the orphanage.  Children and teens are sold for as little as $1500.  Knowing this is a crushing weight to my soul.   Human life is held very cheaply.

I read the profiles of young teens every week that say how bright they are.  How they excel in Math.  How they love to dance.  How they want to be a teacher, a doctor, a psychologist.  And all I can think is there are few families for young teens.  I dread knowing that if this young girl or boy is not adopted, that the small spark of hope is likely to be crushed.  10-15% will commit suicide by the time they are 18.  60% will end up in prostitution.

Her full text: Hard Questions

Don't I know someone who could adopt her? I'd bet money that this child is from Ukraine. I could be totally wrong, but the shoe fits.
I want the church to get involved in international adoption so badly that it hurts. It makes sense. Would there be enormous obstacles? Absolutely, but that never held it back before. There has to be a better way to get more people involved in understanding that adoption is missionary work and the most incredible way for one to experience how and why the family is central to God's plan of salvation.

You know what church calling I really want? The one where I work with women and children all over the world to set up legal adoptions for LDS families. The one where I work at a women and children support center and it's staffed by missionaries and ward/branch members to help these women get proper education and support so that they feel like they are a part of something bigger than themselves--complete with health care, pre/post-natal care, mental health classes, addiction recovery.

Would it be possible to foster some of these young girls who have aged out in homes in the U.S.? Where families agree to help them get more education, provide a home?

Can you imagine the impact this would have on communities? On the stability of children within single-parent families?

As soon as I write it down I can see a hundred reasons why it wouldn't work.

...but I'm going to wait for the phone to ring anyway.

And, this article will make you even more grateful for the peace in your home:
Rescued From Exploitation
This, this, this...people can't believe that this is possible "When I was sixteen, I met some Mormon kids. The Mormon families were so different from the way I was raised. I was raised in these homes and neighborhoods where there was lots of abuse. To meet all these LDS families where you walk in their home and there’s a piano, and above it is a picture of the Savior with little kids–it’s the most heart-warming thing. And there’s a mom and a dad, and they like each other, and they make jokes and tickle each other and kiss! I was like, whoa, is this for real? " 

3. Crockpot lasagna is awesome.
4. I finally ate a good meal at Herm's--people rave about it and I apparently just needed to order something different than what I had the first time. I visited with two good friends about aura colors. Scientifically, I am intrigued by how the colors change and what they may tell us about how the body is functioning. I have to admit I would love to have a reading. I think it would be fascinating.
5. Against my better judgment I am finding that the articles in the BYU Magazine are really good. In fact, for several months now I have read them cover to cover--with the exception of the "jokester-super-funny" mail-in stories on the next to the last page. I have my standards. This last month contained an article by a math professor, Tyler Jarvis. I used the first part about the Traveling Salesman Problem in my lesson on Sunday. NEVER even knew this was a real problem--those numbers? The cost? Holy crap. This is a must read. "That's How the Light Gets In"
6. Also this week, Lachlan learned that if you haven't pooped for a week that it will give you a horrible stomach ache (we almost went to the ER for suspected appendicitis before discovering the real problem) AND Jack found the courage to join some boys who were learning to play basketball. He told me tonight that he was going to try really hard to learn to bounce the ball. Oh, and Louisa is going back to preschool--this time with the Little Aggies at the CPD on campus. Her teacher was nice enough not to actually say the word tyrant on the first day. So that was good.

How Far We've Come

Five or six years ago I created this adoption video for my dad. It chronicles the trip that he, Susan (my sister), and my aunt Merrilee (dad's sister) took with Jeff to go pick up Lachlan. They went a week before Jeff, to Beijing, on a sightseeing tour and then met him in Nanchang. It was a blessing they were there before him because he missed his flight and arrived a full day later than planned. In the movie, you'll see that Lachlan was delivered to Susie and Merrilee's hotel room. I recently had Susie write a letter of her experience for Lachlan's personal history. I'm recording a small portion of it here, not only for the context of this movie, but also because our current experience with Louisa has been so incredibly different.
From Susie's journal:

"She pretty much just cried that first night, and I just cried right along with her, I felt so bad for her. I told her to just go ahead and cry it all out. I told her she had a hard and lonely life up to this point and if she wanted to cry to just go ahead and get it all out. I promised her that she didn't have to be sad or lonely anymore. I promised her that she was going to be loved for the rest of her life. So we just cried.
Jeff wanted me to write down Lachlan’s condition when we first received her. This is very difficult for me, because I had Sierra at home and I knew what a healthy child looks and acts like. She was very bundled up, she was wearing about four layers and she was so sweaty. She was soaking wet not just from sweat, but her poor diaper was dripping…I don’t think the Chinese were very used to diapers because all the children usually wear split pants. Her cheeks were so chappy. I was worried about them because they were dry and cracked open. She was very small and malnourished, I think because I could actually see her pulse in the soft spot on her head. She was also very dirty, her main parts were clean, but the first thing I had to do was get a Q-tip and clean her ears out!!  Also, her belly button was really dirty!
Later, Aunt Merrilee and I gave her a bath. We brushed her teeth…her poor little teeth!  I don’t think there is any enamel left on them and they are broken. You can just see the cavities!  I had a very hard time after we brushed her teeth, because I just felt like this little tiny girl needed us SO BAD!  She needed someone to come and take care of her and love her. I was so glad to be there for her."

In Mormon culture, there's recognition with the phrase "the light of Christ in your countenance"--I've seen people with that light, and without. I've come to recognize that a significant portion of His light comes from the strength of the family, the love of one's family. Which makes sense because the teachings of Christ lead us to the knowledge that we are God's children and that we are meant to learn and love one another in families, through families--and AS a global, multinational, inside, upside, all-of-us-together-kind of family.

The best part about getting older is understanding that no one's family is doing it right all the time. Life is a paradox--where two opposites can exist in the same place at the same time. For example, you can love your kids AND they make you crazy. Or you try hard to consistently set a good example AND occasionally you have the bad swears because you spilled a 32 oz. Diet Coke in the passenger seat. It's life. It's the paradox.

What I think we need to look for, instead of what we don't see in our families (i.e., perfection), is the light. The improvement.

Go back. Look at where you've been and how far you've come.

Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in
--Leonard Cohen "Anthem"

Now go watch this awesome movie: http://youtu.be/p_rdguqyemw