Tomorrow is Two Months

This is Sunday morning, the day after returning from Guangzhou, China. Yeah, I went for the matching dresses--it had to be done. It's actually a good thing that I purchased it in advance because she really didn't have anything to wear except the stuff she had been wearing in China for two weeks. And for the record, our luggage reeked. R-uh-eeked. Looking back, I thought that I had been so clever because when we landed in L.A. the night before flying home I left all of my clothes hanging out on the outside guinea pig cage at Sara's house. I thought that the good American fresh air would eliminate some of the hot garbage/Bruce Lee's Noodles and Mystery Meatballs smell from them. I remembered to ask Carrie just last week if we smelled funny when we got off the plane and she said, "You guys smelled like the Sunshine Terrace on a laundry strike."

Us, at the airport, stinking it up.

So much for last-ditch cleverness.

I also found out that using onesies with a potty-trained two-year-old is a pain in the butt. They are just the right size for a quick t-shirt, but when you gotta go timing is everything. Needless to say, she's only been in a onesie a couple of times since we've been home. There was one day when I just failed to dress her completely and we told her it was Spring Break. But honestly, I've tried to keep it together with our schedule.

School starting was absolutely heaven-sent. You cannot believe what a difference it has made in our ability to cope with having a new family member. We all spent a couple of weeks feeling like we were babysitting a really naughty relative. There was definitely a feeling of complete and utter paranoia when she was out of your sight. Walls and doors were drawn on (there are only a few who will understand that this simply doesn't happen at the Murray house). Cupboards were emptied, toys broken, books ripped--I was taking Vallium. And the stairs...holy Moses, there were several days when I lived in terror that she would just keep running straight down the stairs to her death. She finally mastered going down on her tummy after watching Harper go down the stairs at Aunt Susie's house.

If I had to describe Louisa Jane in one word it would be: INDEPENDENT

Last week we had a meeting with the Up to 3 counselors to discuss her specific needs and define a plan of action to get her on target. She is only scoring in the 5% for speech and language development, although there is some discrepancy because we think she is saying some of her words in Cantonese. She only qualifies in needs for speech, there are no other significant delays in coordination, movement, social expression, eating...the list usually goes on (and it did when we tested Lachlan at this age). Louisa scored 130% in self help. You think I'm kidding when I say that at two and a half she can feed herself with a fork and spoon, put her shoes on, go potty (complete with wiping--although, we are asking her to tell us to do it), she likes to sweep the kitchen floor, make her bed, and will vacuum anything if you turn your back and it's plugged in. Her life has been centered completely upon the concept that if you are remotely capable of doing it by yourself then that is the expectation; the situation being that you don't get a drink or go to the bathroom if you don't do it yourself.

So what has she never learned to do?
Share.
Say your sorry.
Wait your turn.
Touch an animal or be in the house with an animal.
Buckle up.
Swing on the swings.
Ride a bike.
Pray.

Ahh, writing this list makes me so emotional...I wish so badly that everyone could have been there the first time she said a prayer. We were sitting up to the bar for dinner--Jeff wasn't even home yet! I was so tired, I think we were having fish sticks--seriously, am I the only who still serves actual fish sticks? Probably! Just out of the blue I looked at Lou and asked her if she wanted to say the prayer--she always nods back kind of crazy-like with those white (I call them Edward Cullen) teeth. So we work through the dinner prayer and she mimics what I say and at the end the kids and I were just dumb-struck and filled completely with the Spirit! No one could even say anything--it was amazing. Jack finally said, "That was SO cute! She just did it Mom. She prayed her first prayer!" I had to walk away so that the tears could fall unnoticed.

A hundred mistakes and one moment of bliss. This is life, right?

We've had blood drawn--three times. She needs a whole round of vaccinations, but I'm losing my stomach for more needles after sitting with her during the blood draws. There have been several miracles with her medical tests. When we left China the medical office told us that she was still testing positive for syphilis; we had decided to just move ahead and deal with it when we got home. My confidence in the Chinese ability to competently handle any medical test or information is about a negative zero, but it was still a worry and I had prayed several times that we would be able to deal with whatever lay ahead. To our great relief, all of her tests have shown that she is negative for syphilis. She needs some vaccination boosters, but there isn't anything life threatening or which should diminish her ability to progress and excel.

She likes to sing songs, Frere Jacque. In French, which is how I sing it to her, it is a song about "morning bells are ringing". Jack and Lachlan sing a Chinese version about a tiger but it is the same tune. She also knows Twinkle, Twinkle--oh, and our family also learned "The Family is of God" to sing as a musical number in Sacrament Meeting. She loves singing along with us and often sings the chorus throughout the day as she is trolling about for something to draw on or hide in her purse.

 Lou went to preschool for two weeks...and then she got kicked out for delinquent behavior. She's a preschool dropout. Seriously, she just isn't ready for it. She won't be three until January so we have plenty of time to get it figured out. Miss Jenny is a saint for trying it for a couple of weeks. Mostly Lou wanted to wear her backpack and use the preschool potty the whole time--

 The question I get the most is: How are Jack and Lachlan adjusting to having Louisa in the family?
Well, the first month was really rough. I had to have LOTS of conversations with them about how Louisa is NOT in charge. She really came into the house barking orders and trying to manipulate every situation. Not really a shocker, but difficult for J/L to figure out. At one point, I told Lachlan, "if she pushes you down and steps on you give her a little shove and let her know that you aren't going to be treated like that! Don't just lay there and try to use your words. She's two, she doesn't give a rip about your words!" Not my best parenting moment, but we worked hard on "being a big brother/sister", "being in charge--but not the boss". Lou isn't exactly one to just do what she's told, obedience not really a high priority. Louisa has also spent her fair share of time "on the chair". We knew exactly the moment she understood what timeout was all about because she started screaming like a wild animal at the top of her lungs--it was the typical crying, but no tears. We're to the point now where I can tell her that she can make a good choice or go to the chair and she changes her tune pretty quick. There were times when I wondered if she would ever figure out how to say she was sorry. I am 100% confident that this concept had NEVER been presented to her.

I don't know if other adopted parents have ever found themselves talking out loud to the great silence saying things like, "what the hell were those people doing in that place??" I definitely have vacillated between feeling grateful for the love they showed her and hating them for doing so little. I remember being really angry for a while with Lachlan's caretakers. Her situation was completely different and I still stand by the notion that they were negligent--but adoption is hard because there are big chunks of life that are out of your control and you are left to deal with the consequences for better or for worse.

My girls are tough. They're fighters and I believe it's that fight that's kept them alive and functioning socially. It's also the fight that makes them stubborn.

She's cute but she can be a tyrant.

She has an underbite.
She loves to drink milk.
She can eat a whole package of Ramen Noodles.
She likes lasagna, Club crackers, pancakes, french fries, potato chips...she once ate a half bag of Sweet Chili Doritos.
She likes to split a package of seaweed with Lachlan.
She called Lachlan, Lolo--just like Jack did when he was her age. It sounds like "NoNo"
She always thanks Jeff in Chinese.

For the first month she called Jeff, Mom and I was Big Sister.
She loves the water. She likes to take her time in the shower.
She hates television.
She likes to dance to music and pretend to play the piano.
She loves to feed the cat. I always tell her that Bruce is full. She signs back, full, and nods and nods, but still feeds him anyway when I'm not looking.
She loves to "go, go, go"--every morning after everyone goes to school she brings me my shoes and tells me it's time to go on a walk with the stroller.
She likes to travel with a purse and "baby fox".

 So proud of our Little Aggies.

 Lachlan goes to 2nd Grade

 Jack goes to 1st Grade

Jack was still nervous on the first day. They are both off to a great start. I'm so grateful for this good school. The best part is that I have a new office right across the street! I can look out my window and see Jack's classroom. I love being close enough to go to lunch with them or volunteer in the classroom.

Visiting the US Consulate

Thursday morning we went very early to the U.S. Consulate. They have a new building in the financial district. It's been closed for two weeks while they move in and have some employee training. Here we are out front of the buiding--holy Moses, why I am standing like this--I have NO idea. Just laugh. Till I die, I hope that my hair never looks as bad as it has for the last 16 days.

 This is the building where the work is done. Behind the iron gates. It's really beautiful inside. We waited in line for a few minutes. Good ol' Helen was nervous as a cat that I had brought my bag and no Ziplocs to "make it show through for the polices". Oh, Helen. sigh. I finally just handed her my purse and told her that I didn't need anything in it for the appointment. She looked at me like I'd given her a hand grenade!

They serve adoptive families in groups up to twelve, but our group only had five families. The consulate guy gave us some specific instructions on how to enter the US and claim citizenship for our children. He then had all of us stand and repeat the immigration oath, which basically states that all of our documents are true and correct. I still got a little choked up. It was pretty cool. They call each family up one-by-one and stamp your documents and give you an adoption registration certificate--then they said, "Congratulations!" And, that's it! You're done.

They should play some music or set off some fireworks.

The relief is something I can't really describe. I'm so grateful that we stuck it out. This has been an incredible journey. My friend Denise always says, "Thanks be to God." It's the only sentiment that ran through my mind for the rest of the day. We are so blessed to have Louisa in our lives.

Waiting It Out: Part III

This list probably won't make sense to anyone but Jeff and I, but I want to write down some of the funny things that we have laughed about:

All of these foods:

 Maggot worm things in a jelly ball.

 Frog-leg chili, with beans

 Fried frog with spicy (spicy what I know not)

 *can't fix the sideways folks--sorry. Snails in Curry

 Small snails and mussels--but we saw them feed these to the turtles at the pond. Hum.

 Boiled white fungus with papaya. Big hit. People waiting in line for this one.

 Oh, it looks plenty bad.

 Yum.

But what KIND of bacteria??

Also:

* Louisa pooping in the tub and Jeff having to fish it out with his bare hand. All moms will appreciate the hilarious-ness of this moment. Best timing of a phone call--for the week! I am still laughing about how Jeff told me what he had done.

* Helen calling the blood test a "bloody test". "You know, we have to have the bloody test. The bloody test for the TBs and bloody test for the paperworks." Bloody test. Indeed.

* Seeing the Rachel Dratch and Rick James Chinese dopplegangers.

* Asking Helen where we could get some good local food. Her response included a recommendation for a local restaurant that served Dim Sum. She quickly recanted her recommendation though because she said that you could only order there in Chinese. She said, "it maybe bad for you cause you get the snake or dog Dim Sum," then laughing, "oh, dat be bad for you." Jeff asked her if the dog would be bad to eat and she started laughing hysterically and said, "you no eat dog in the summer. No good for you. Only eat in the winter!"

* Cathy telling us, "take umbrella today, maybe little bit of rain--you know, cause typhoon coming so just a little bit rainy."

* We took Louisa to the hotel medical clinic because we were worried that she had a fever. The doctor told us she was okay, but told us "only give baby warm water, no juicy, no milk, no yogurt, no candies, no Pepsi--no Pepsi!"

* The deafening Ricky Martin "LaVida Loca" music while the clown juggled on the Pearl River dinner cruise. Also, the people trampling each other to get to the buffet line. Oh, and eating breakfast and watching those girls squirrel away all of the pears in their purse (at LEAST 30 pears)!

* The airport lobby at the Guangzhou airport. SO crowded, thousands of people screaming and yelling--I just kept waiting for someone to release a cage of chickens or a greased pig to add to the chaos. Jeff and I sat next to a 80-year-old woman who played Candy Crush on her phone the whole time. She had it on full volume and was muttering about getting to the next level.

* Walking through the hotel lobby with Louisa--we passed one of the workers and Louisa spun around and pointed her butt right at that guy and then gave her butt a smack. There was so much awesomeness rolled into that moment that I can't even describe how embarrassing and cool it was all at the same time.

Waiting It Out: Part II

We've done both our adoptions with Children's House International. We were even with them while we were in Ukraine back in 2006. This trip was the first time we've ever met the director of the Chinese Children Program. Heidi and her family are travelling for her daughter's high school graduation heritage trip. They have been so much fun. Her daughters, Joy, Suzy, and Mimi are awesome and Louisa loves going places with them. It's also been fun for Jeff to hang out with her husband, Kim. I count it as one of the greatest blessings of this trip that they have been here with us.

We spent Sunday touring the Safari Park with them. My sister, Susan, always says that the thing she loves about China the most is that they have lots of rules, but at the same time, absolutely no rules. It's the greatest summation of facts that I have ever heard about this place. Let me be frank, this Safari Park was like a 100-acre puppy mill (only with tigers) and the only thing holding everything back was a thin line of electric fence....and all you could think was, "this is pretty freaking awesome--don't get too close or you'll be in a freak 'when animals attack' video clip."

 The first part of the park is "Tour by Bus"--they have all of the animals just wandering free in jungle enclosures. I saw a guy scooping hay to the hippos without ANY protection. Just wandering around in there--he obviously hasn't ever watched the National Geographic channel. I also saw a bunch of guys herding a large group of giraffes with nothing but a stick.

 Good old Engrish.

 One third of the entire world's population of white tigers lives at this park. I can't imagine that there aren't some serious genetic issues at this point--but they are pretty proud of these animals. Also, the camera isn't even zoomed in--this large tiger is just hanging out on the other side of a wooden railing. You can feed them (there are some seriously overweight tigers here) and even hold a baby tiger.

 Lots of pandas. They are all in indoor cooled enclosures. We spent some time looking at them and trying to recover from the heat. The koalas are also in cooled enclosures--they had one named Murray. This red panda below wasn't even in an enclosure. It just hangs out in the park. I asked our guide, Becky, why it didn't run away and she said, "animal very happy here, lots of food, plenty good". Classic.

Joy and Mimi on the elephant ride. Here they are spraying their mom with some water--
I remember riding an elephant as a kid at Hogle Zoo. We didn't take Louisa on the ride. She didn't really show any interest in the elephants. She liked the birds and the pandas the best. She signed to me that the panda was sleeping and that one was eating food. We also caught her leaning out of her stroller and pinching random people on the legs while we rolled past. She is quite the kid--she looks pretty innocent but she'll surprise you. We think that she was singing "the elephant song"--Jack and Lachlan learned it at Chinese class. I'm hoping that they can teach her all the words.

Waiting It Out

We've now been in Guangzhou for five days. Normally, we wouldn't have such an extended wait, but they are moving the U.S. Consulate General to a new location in the financial district of the city. We were able to get one of the first appointments when they open in the new office, but even then it isn't until Thursday morning at 8:30AM. We've met only three other families who are here adopting--they are lucky because they have appointments tomorrow.

When Jeff was here in 2007 you couldn't shake a stick in this part of Guangzhou without hitting an adoptive family. Things have really changed. There are still countless orphans, but the number of adoptions worldwide from China has decreased by 65 percent. It is so depressing to walk around Shamain Island and not see even one other adoptive family. Today we saw our first adoptive family on the street--they were adopting their second Chinese daughter. She was four and had a repaired cleft lip/palate. We recognized them from our medical appointment last Saturday. They brought their seven-year-old daughter (adopted six years ago) along with them. She was very protective of her new sister. She was screaming at the doctors while they were doing a blood draw. It is always nice to have a brief interaction with another family who understands what it took to get here--and the stress of the whole process.

So there's been several things that have happened over the past few days. We went for a medical exam last Saturday. It wasn't my finest hour of self control. We were shuttled down the hall with our guide Helen and walked directly into a doctor's office. The doctor opened our paperwork for five seconds and then stated, "you no get visa with this papers". I didn't even try to stay calm. It was all I could do not to start screaming obscenities. Long story short, after practically beating old Helen, bawling in the hallway, and taking a personal timeout it was explained that they needed further information about how Louisa was treated for her condition at the orphanage. They brought in the main doctor to explain that if they could get the correct paperwork then everything would be cleared for our consulate appointment. We also had a merciful moment because our adoption agency director, Heidi, just happened to be touring the medical facility that morning with us and she was able to make it clear that the guides needed to deal with the problem immediately. She helped them to understand that our family has some PTSD issues and just having her there helped me to calm down and quit crying. We had to wait through the weekend to get all of it cleared up but they tell me we are good to go--I'm not resting easy until Thursday afternoon. I'll be so glad to be done with this process. It is tough. I've never had such a test of faith--absolute faith in things that are completely out of your control.

The truth is that the hardest part is that one minute your praying, asking God to protect you and your kids and to please send angels and miracles...and the next minute your so mad at the people who are seemingly controlling your fate that all you can think about is telling them to eff themselves and throwing some chairs. You seriously start to feel like you are losing your mind. You start to question if you have any faith at all if you feel like hitting an old woman will make it better.

To act and not be acted upon.

These are the questions I cannot answer--I've learned much over the past 18 months--but I can kiss sainthood goodbye.

Ramblings

The nights are the worst.

I actually dread them because I'm so tired, but I still can't seem to sleep through the night. I haven't been letting myself take a nap in the afternoon because I don't want to sleep less at night--you get the idea. I've basically turned into a Jekyll and Hyde that just wants to either cry it off or sleep it off. I'd take some meds, but tonight I caught Louisa trying to climb out of her crib and escape. The only thing that stopped her from getting on the night bus to Nanping was that her foot got tangled in the bars and it alerted her mortal nemesis (me).

I can honestly say that I've never had someone dislike me enough to wet themselves to get off my lap--until yesterday morning. She had an absolute #$%@ fit because I picked her up and sat her down on my lap. Frankly, there's a bit of a fine line here between her not liking me and her trying to control parts of her life by having temper tantrums. I can see that she has been allowed a few undesirable habits because of her Cheshire Cat grin--it's frustrating to be patient enough to give her some space and also let her know that screaming like a lunatic won't get you any favors.

Also...I'm homesick.
It's hard. Really. hard. not to think about how much easier dealing with all of the emotions would be if I could sleep in my own bed (Angie, I forgot my ear plugs--so you know how I'm really doing here)...there's a whole list tonight so I'll spare you the pity party. We still have another week. Another. week.

It hasn't been all hateful urination and evil eye--
Yesterday we visited the oldest temple in the province. It has the largest Buddha and was built in 867 (Tong Dynasty). It was a large place--not much different from other temples we have visited in the past. They are trying to restore large sections of it. Truthfully, the drive there was the best part. The traffic in the city is horrific. Probably some of the worst I've ever seen in any part of this country. The streets are old and narrow, but there are so many people that there will never be enough room to expand the space for the number of vehicles moving everywhere. Nevertheless, the car is air conditioned and moving so slowly that you can really get a good look at the city. I really wish that I wasn't so concerned about wasting fuel and time--I'd tell that driver to just keep on going all morning.

After the temple we were able to drive to the Women's and Children's Maternity Hospital where Louisa was found at the gate on January 31, 2011. Penny gave us a copy of her finding ad--it matches what it says in her file about being found by a policeman. He gave a description about her being small, large head, lighter skin. It also says that her parents cannot be located. There was no birth note left with her.

I can't comprehend how someone could just leave a baby at this gate. I'm not even talking abandonment--I'm talking there are about 10K people at this entrance gate. How would you get away unnoticed??! I wish that it would list a time in her file about what time of day was she found--did they leave her in the middle of the night? I stood on the street corner and tried to figure it out. It is absolutely certain they knew she would be found immediately. Did they just run? Penny told us it is the best children's hospital in the province. There were thousands of pregnant women going in and out, ambulances dropping off people, beggars, sellers, random city weirdos--all of it on this street corner. It felt wild and chaotic and confusing and holy and special...all at the same time.

Late yesterday afternoon we walked through the city. Walking outside is pretty interesting, but you have to just tell yourself that it's going to be so hot that you think you might die--and then do it anyway. Our kids would have never made it. Kids shouldn't come to China in July. Ever. Louisa doesn't seem to mind. I'm certain it's because she lived for the past two years inside a cement Dutch Oven. I know--I went to there.

The city is very clean. It feels safe. There are lots of things to see--even more to smell. I'd post some pictures but the internet at this hotel makes it so painful. I'll try to add them tomorrow when we get to Guangzhou. We wandered through supermarkets, alley markets--we got Lou some smaller underwear at a "baby store". I also got her some new shoes. They're squeaky shoes. It's all that they have for "little babies"--apparently, parents here love it. Oh, Asia--

I also wanted to write about the square dancing. There are thousands of people on every corner, in parks, shady spots, bus stops and they are doing a slow version of ballroom dancing. Penny said it is called square dancing and it is all the rage with old people and housewives. I told her in the U.S. square dancing is a type of cowboy dancing and then Jeff went so far as to do some "calling" for her. Both of us sat there with our mouths open for that moment. She laughed and said she saw it once on a movie and really liked the music for the cowboy dancing. In the evenings the streets--any open space area is filled with people blasting music from their radios while they do a Chinese version of Zumba. It looks like the world's biggest flash mob outside of our hotel in the government parking lot. The music is pretty awesome because it is usually a jazzed up instrumental version of something like, "what's love got to do with it" or an Avril Lavigne song being sung with an Asian accent. Which reminds me...our driver has a whole stack of Britney Spears CDs in his van...had a silent laugh to self today in the car.

A Hard Goodbye

Dear Louisa,
This morning we went with you to visit your orphanage to give you a chance to say goodbye. Dad and I wanted to meet your friends and nannies. I think that you knew it was going to be a hard day because you woke up screaming in the night and wouldn't eat hardly any breakfast.

We stopped on the way to get some treats for your friends--Penny told us that suckers were always a favorite for the kids. We should have known because your sister loves suckers too.

Your old home is a very tall building. When we drove up to the gate you sat right up in my lap and got very excited because you recognized it. There are lots of Chinese lanterns in the lobby--with an indoor jungle gym--you were very happy to be there. We met with the woman who is in charge of all the smaller children there. You spent the first two years of your life on the second floor. Older children live on the upper floors.

From the moment we walked in the door everyone called out your name--janitors, staff, older kids, younger kids--everyone at the Fuzhou SWI knows who you are! You waved and smiled at everyone.

We took the elevator to the second floor. As soon as we got off the elevator, a young girl (16) who has lived her whole life in the orphanage saw you and screamed, "MI!" She had some crooked arms and legs but came running down the hall with her arms reached out for you. You threw your body out to meet her and grabbed her around her neck and cried tears of joy. You both hugged and danced together in the hallway. All the other nannies were then screaming your name and you hugged and cried with each of them. All my life I won't ever forget that moment. It was such a special, bittersweet moment for everyone there.

The director asked you to come back to us, but you were very upset. You screamed and cried very hard because you wanted to stay with them. I know that they loved you and you loved them. It was hard for everyone--it was hard for me and dad not to cry because we could see that it was heartbreaking for you to leave the only home you have ever known.

Here is what I know for sure--you are a brave and special girl. There have been so many prayers that I have prayed that your Heavenly Father would send special people, angels, and miracles to watch out for and take care of you. Today I witnessed a love even beyond what I imagined possible for this circumstance. I don't ever want you to doubt that these women did far beyond what is expected--don't ever take it for granted.

I can see that you have a great capacity to love and care for other children who are very sick and have great disabilities. I know that you have been doing your part to help them. Never forget to watch out for those who are less fortunate--it will bless your life a thousand fold if you will do so.

Life is a long journey. You will have incredible opportunities to do great things because you have been given a chance to come with us, but I hope that somehow you will push yourself even further for those friends who will never leave.

I love you.
Mom

Adoption Day!

 Here's our first picture together. I had to pry her from the director's arms. She did not want to come with me. There was kind of a different guy there who kept taking pictures of us--I don't have a clue how he was associated with the first meeting--he got a lot of pictures of our family. In fact, as you can see below...he was quite certain that he wasn't leaving until we looked completely natural!

 Our hotel is overlooking West Lake. It's the center attraction of one of the largest parks in Fuzhou. It is really beautiful here--the heat and humidity are almost unbearable. We walked around the lake this morning--did about four miles--at the end I looked like I'd taken a shower. The humidity is so high that it appears to be raining all day long. Lou loves to ride in her pink stroller. She calls out to all the children. We don't have a clue what she is saying, but it appears that she would like to make friends with all of them. At one point we let her walk around and she tried to confiscate a bike from one child. Jeff had to keep her from climbing on the bike with the boy.

 The day yesterday was incredibly long--especially since I didn't really sleep well the night before--we were lucky enough to find a pizza place for dinner. At this place they serve your pizza with some plastic food-handler's gloves. All the Chinese people in the place wear the gloves when they eat the pizza. We were a bunch of heathens and ate it old school. Lou was totally disgusted. She kept wiping her hands after each bite, really picking at her food. She finally pointed to the gloves on our table and we let her put them on--she was so happy to have them on and then she went crazy with the food. She's a really good eater. We bought some fruit cups and she almost had a stroke. She LOVES fruit.

 This adoption has been so hard. I don't think that I have ever experienced the level of uncertainty and personal doubt. It just seems like every time we tried to make a move forward there were a thousand reasons why we should just walk away. Yesterday when we went to the adoption registration office, they had Lou put her handprint down on the paper to show her willingness to be adopted. She was so excited to put the ink on--and she smiled so big when she saw her print on the paper. I couldn't help but think that she is ready to be a part of our family. It was probably my favorite moment of the day.

 A few other things I want to remember about yesterday:
* Our guide is Penny. She has a university student with her named Rose. Rose's English is not very good, but she has been helpful.
* Lou is potty trained. She has been so good. We put a diaper on her at night. We had a little accident this morning, but it was probably my fault because I let her drink a ton of milk before breakfast.
* She only cried a little when we first got her and then she was so happy to be with us the rest of the day. She likes to mimic our behavior. While we were riding in the van to the notary she would lean up against the side of the car and put her arm up on the rest just like Jeff. She wanted me to pour the cold water from the bottle into her sippy cup so that she could be just like us.
* She looked at us yesterday afternoon and said, "Mama and Baba," and then nodded her head to herself.
* She loves umbrellas and motorscooters.
* She has already learned to sign "more"-- in fact, at breakfast this morning she kept saying it to everything. She would use her napkin and then call to the waitress to come and pick it up. She really likes to help clean up after she eats and was pretty disgusted that we didn't clean up after lunch.
* She laid down immediately for her nap and slept all through the night--oh, man--is it too good to be true??!
* She loves the Touch-and-Feel book that I brought--her favorite page is the sheep.
* REALLY wants to push buttons on the laptop.
* Loves banana chips.
* The adoption registration office was totally wild. They were all in t-shirts and eating watermelon in the back. The main official had a t-shirt with military--I don't know what they're called, but the shoulder ribbons and badges--anyway, they were just sewn onto the front of this Old Navy t-shirt. It was pretty awesome as far as official apparel is concerned--and even more awesome if you know what some of these Chinese government officials are all about.
* She rubs her lips with her thumb when she is falling asleep. It's almost like she's going to start sucking her thumb--you can tell that she is sucking on her tongue.
* She has a cold and horrible cough--the orphanage sent her with no less than five packets of pills to be given throughout the day. I thought that it would be like giving a pill to a cat--a two-year-old swallowing a pill?? This kid swallows them like a boss. She puts the pill in and takes a swig of water like she's been doing it since a previous life. WTH? These are the kinds of questions that make me wonder--what is life really like in an orphanage?? We laugh because she gets really excited to drink the cough medicine--just like Lachlan.

 When Louisa woke up this morning she was WIDE awake. She didn't stop talking and she kept signing to Jeff that she wanted food! I can see that when she finally gets into her groove that we are going to have to a rule-breaker on our hands. She likes to do something naughty (where we tell her specifically no) and then she throws her head back and smiles this ear-to-ear grin. I can tell that being a snake charmer has served her quite well. The orphanage director told us that she and Happy (that's the little girl's name who is in the video with her for those of you lucky enough to see it) are the King and Queen of the orphanage. We asked which nanny was her favorite and the director told us that the nannies rotate with each other so that they each get a turn with her and Happy.

Also, can you see the humidity on that picture of Jeff and Lou? It's like breathing tar. AND, for the record those shoes are a gift from the orphanage--white sandals--my nemesis. She loved her sunglasses.

 She loves Cup O'Noodles. Jeff and I are constantly laughing because it is like having a Lachlan Junior with us.

She loves to carry her baby with her. She also spent an hour this afternoon taking Crayons out of the box and putting them back in--coloring was not an interest.

Ugh, we just saw on the TV that there is ANOTHER typhoon coming in on Friday--when we are supposed to be headed down to Guangzhou. Holy crap. Seriously.

Tomorrow we are going to her SWI. It is the nicest one in the Province (according to Penny). I am hoping that it doesn't traumatize her--things are going well. It's hard to sit in the hotel room on the free days so I'm thrilled that we'll be getting out. The heat of the day really limits what we can do-- I guess Thursday Penny is taking us to a temple. I asked about the panda place, but Penny just shook her head and said, "Panda's no like heat--they go to the mountains. I don't think you like to see old pandas that are left."

Final note, it is still hard for me to watch people eat here. I don't know when I will be able to handle it. There is so much lip smacking, slurping and grunting that this morning I almost dry-heaved at breakfast. Jeff laughs out loud--especially when people cough and hack and spit on the sidewalk--it is SO hard for me. Someday I'll be tough...

Man Zou

My friend, Nadine, adopted two of her daughters from China. The girls are now nine and eleven. This summer they returned as a family to tour China and visit their orphanages and finding places (places where the girls were found, presumably near a birthplace). Her eldest daughter is from an area near Nanchang. This is a bit from her blog:

"When we met J (daughter) as a baby, the people who brought her to us knew nothing of her. We had been told they had just stopped that morning on the way to Nanchang and picked her up from her foster mother. All identifying information had been blocked out on our paperwork, so we were thrilled to even have a name....[Now, returning years later], we had been told that J's foster mother had been elderly and had passed away five or six years ago. Wendy (tour guide) told us that we could at least get photos of the area where she had lived. Wendy had basic directions to (the village), but we were soon lost and had to ask directions several times. [In her post she further describes trying to find directions from numerous people, also asking if anyone had ever heard of the foster mother's family.]
We had taken several photos of the area and were content knowing that this was the right village, but Wendy would not give up. She stopped one last time at another shoppe and this time a young man on a motorcycle said he knew of a lady who was elderly that used to take care of foster babies with that surname, and he would take us to her. He led the way and we soon came to a muddy little road leading up a small hill. Wendy got out and...[began] talking to a group of women. [She] asked a few more questions and then said, "This is her!"...We motioned for J to come up and the little lady said that she remembered her. [My friend then details a very special reunion with lots of pictures and an invitation for tea.]
Finally we had to leave so we all hugged goodbye and she told us "man zou"--a farewell reserved for special friends. We walked down the hill and got into the van and when we looked up, she had followed us--another gesture for special friends--to go with them on their journey as far as you can.
It was a very unexpected ending to our stop and we asked Wendy what made her think she might still be alive and to keep asking until she found her. She said, "I think the Gods helped us. I kept praying to them (pointing to her heart) "please help us, please help us....and they did. It is a miracle!""

I wonder how many babies this elderly woman passed on lovingly to American, European or Australian strangers. I wonder how many times she has walked to the end of the road, journeying with them until the final moments of distance carries them away to a new life. Man Zou she whispers.

Slowly go.

Man Zou (mahn z-ou) is a common Mandarin Chinese phrase that translates to "walk slow" or "slowly go" When used as a farewell, it's a way of reminding one another to be careful and mindful on the journey, and take the time to see things along the way. Walk slowly and you won't fall.

We will leave for China in three days. Another farewell. Another beginning.
I've experienced a flood of emotion this past month. I don't have a place for all of these feelings--not all of them are bad. As a family we've been focusing on "We will pray and we will plan." It was the only thing I could come up with when we returned home in March. Since then, I've tried to focus on the faith that I do have and like Wendy, I keep praying "please help us, please help us."

It's got to work out this time, right??!

And that's where the Man Zou seeps into my thoughts...somewhere between fear and anxiety and hope and anticipation is this little place where the tears start to fall as I think about how our splendid family of four will soon be five. My children will be a big brother and big sister; and we will have a toddler! Can we slowly go through these last few days together? Taking in every moment of what has been so special and wonderful about these last six years together. Can we walk slowly enough to be mindful of the miracles we have experienced and the strength we have gained from sticking together?

A respectful farewell to tragedy.
A loving, enduring and emotional farewell to these years we've had with just four hearts, forty fingers, and a great deal of cat hair.

Man Zou.
Man Zou.
Man Zou.