The Saga: Chapter Two

It wasn't about potty training.

We are actually all potty trained at the Murray house. I know that it is hard to believe, but it's true.

This is about something bigger.

It's about "the suckin' blanket.

Ah, my, as you will recall a few months ago I bragged to the free world about how Lachlan just gave it all up for some candy and a couple of handfuls of spare change. Little did I know, that it would only last for about three months before she decided that the candy had burned off and the change had been lost in the dryer. So much for my successful parenting skills...

Do you hear that big flushing sound?

Well, in the fall she would suck on her sheets, her comforter...she chewed a hole in her bed skirt.

We threatened.

We yelled.

I laid the guilt on--because Judd's really know how to pull a guilt trip...and frankly, Murrays avoid conflict like the plague.

After Christmas, I called our old social worker in tears. Yeah, I know, but seriously, it was making me crazy that nothing was working. The social worker told me to give her a gross old rag and then if she really needed to suck on something she would have to use that--she said that it would probably turn her off to the habit because it wasn't a blanket or a sheet.

Well, Lachlan took to the old rag like she'd been raised with it from birth. I got a little nervous that she would just start sucking on rags that I use to clean the toilet and other grody areas! I was finding sucked on rags in every corner of her room. She ate up all the wash rags in the bathroom!

And that's when "Ursula decided to take matters into her own tentacles!" I read up on some reverse psychology and decided that if she wanted to have something in her mouth then she was going to have to keep it in there all day long.

Hence, the saga.

I explained to her one afternoon that if she sucked on anything during her nap that she would have to have it in her mouth for the rest of the day.

To which, she immediately grabbed a wad of kitty cat sheets and shoved them down her throat!

I took the entire top sheet off of her bed and taped it to her hands and told her that she had to take that sheet with her the rest of the day and that she had to keep it in her mouth until bedtime. Hey, if you're freaking out that I've lost my mind you should have quit reading this blog months ago.

At any rate, she really thought that she had hit the jackpot. I told her that if she needed her sheets in her mouth so bad then she was going to have it. She was not thrilled about having it taped to her, but she ran down the hall with a smile on her face.

Well, well, well, turns out that you can't talk, ride a bike, climb up to the dinner table if you have a gigantic sheet tied to you and in your mouth. It turns out that having a sheet in your mouth for six or seven hours is a bit of a downer.

Mom: 1

Lachlan: 0

It's been four days. Every night I ask her if she would like me to get her sheet ready so that she can suck on it in the night. She just smiles at me and says, "I don't want it in my mouth."

That's right kid.

You got a crazy lady for your mother--turns out--she's perfect for you.