Do you....

...have a totally hot, awesome, amazing friend who will come and take your children for a drive so that you don't kill them and hide their bodies behind the chicken coop?

I do.

Wants and Needs

I'm not really fond of getting the "no" answer.

It looked really good on paper. The facts and figures were doable. It makes perfect sense.

It was still a "no."

I've known about the "no" for a week, but I just kept hoping that maybe my feelings were just all jumbled up inside or I was getting my period or stressed about work.

But, you know when you know.

Doesn't make it any easier. And yesterday I could just feel that I was going to have to face the facts...and this morning I had to say it out loud and make it official.

Then I came home and cried in the closet so that nobody could see the disappointment.

I'm glad that I've finally learned what it feels like to get an answer to prayer. I wish that my faith would catch up a little bit quicker next time.

It's Because I Do Care About What Teeth Look Like

1-800-CLEARCHOICE, it's me, Jack-boy...how much would it cost to restore my vain mother's request for front teeth?

Jack slipped while jumping off the bathroom stool on Sunday afternoon. He hit the tile face-first. The impact completely dislodged the tooth and most of the root structure. It tore apart his gums, crushed the roots of the other front tooth (yeah, it will probably have to be removed as well), and created some hairline fractures in his facial/jaw bones.

It was a horrible experience. He is feeling much happier today. He is eating food and was a very brave boy at the dentist. I was incredibly relieved that they didn't have to stitch his gums. It is already starting to look so much better. Dr. D said that his gum fractures will heal and shouldn't leave any permanent damage. We have scheduled a tooth extraction for the other front tooth in a few weeks when the swelling won't be so bad. Yeah, I had some tears about that...

So stupid, but I feel like losing teeth should be a right of passage rather than a violent accident.

Tonight the tooth fairy will come and leave him a dollar....and then I can pretty much guarantee that she will cry for the very same thing.

Power of Moms Retreat

Last Saturday I attended the "Power of Moms" retreat in Park City. I have been watching this website/project for the past year. I really like the idea of learning from other moms. Even more, I like the concept of creating a completely honest environment about the ups and downs of motherhood. So, in a decidedly deliberate move to really see what this is all about--and explore the potential for creating my own "learning circle," I went.

Post reflection I've come to this simple truth: I pride myself on learning about a variety of things. I don't shy away from trying new projects, potentials or philosophies. I went to this to learn something that I could share with other women and the cold hard reality is that I don't have a CLUE about real parenting technique. I realize and admit (a little unwillingly) that VERY little of what I do (in motherhood) is deliberate and serves a designated purpose. Why not? Well, it's simple, because frankly I never considered it before.

As a Mormon woman, you would think that I would have put all of this together in my mind. I mean, we have family prayer, family home evening, we plan for discussions about pornography and chastity--we are obviously not doing "nothing"--but I'm not sure that we're really doing "something" either. And you know what? I think that most women are like me.

During conversation with Jeff regarding "why doesn't the church have professional development for women? We should be talking more about strategies and intention!" Jeff reminded me that this is probably because if the church came out with something really specific that eventually you would have "those kind of people" who start to judge everyone who "isn't using the church strategies for family-raisin'"--and he's right because there really isn't a right or a wrong way to raise a family--

BUT--what about people like me who can do everything from knit a sweater to neuter a tom cat--but we just didn't get the memo about good parenting? It doesn't make me a bad mom. No. It doesn't. I've read books about parenting. Hey, I can actually quote passages from BabyWise--I'm talking about strategies like sitting down with your spouse and asking "who and what do we want our children to become" and then actually setting goals based upon obtaining that outcome. As an educator I am constantly hounding the fact that we want students to "see the big picture"--because the big picture allows them to make a conscientious choice, which is exactly what I want for my family. I'm not confident that you can really get there without a plan. An honest to goodness, write the bloody thing down, kind of plan.

Here are some of the things discussed that I will continue to think about:

1) Motherhood should be deliberate. Start with the end in mind.

2) We need margins and space in our lives. White space on a page is pleasant to the eye--white space doesn't mean that we are lazy. I need to leave space, but be more careful about what I let seep into those spaces and margins.

3) Serendipity: The state of mind whereby a person through awareness and sensitivity frequently finds something better than what he was seeking. I do not have to define myself as either a structured or spontaneous person--serendipity allows me to find a little bit of both.

4) What IS our family motto? What values do I most want my children to identify with?

I want my kids to: work hard/manage resources; behave; and have a strong sense of identity and belonging.

5) Spectacular achievement is preceded by unspectacular preparation.

6) There is no growth in the comfort zone.

7) Our family traditions should reflect our motto, values, and what we want our kids to become.

Lastly, I feel grateful for a bit of new enlightenment.

Being a mom is wonderful, but it can also be overwhelmingly difficult, emotional, and at times even a bitter disappointment and place of frustration. I love that quote by Eleanor Roosevelt who stated, "There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women." I truly believe that the learning circles created by these women at "Power of Moms" are inspired by God. We have to be able to teach what we know, understand, AND feel to each other. It's the only way we are going to be able to get through it.

Unbroken

I know that not all of you are on Goodreads.com--so I am posting this to the blog to make sure that you don't miss this incredible book. I give it 5 stars. Here is my review:

MUST READ! This is clearly a well-researched and extremely well-written book. Hillenbrand created a vivid picture of each character which made this book equally heartbreaking and gut-wrenching, but ultimately a book that will forever change your view of Pacific airmen.

I couldn't stop thinking about how little I ever asked my own grandfather about his experiences as a pilot. I also wish that I knew which kind of plane he flew (cousins, please email me if you know). Absolutely fascinating. Miraculous that anyone survived--and in the end I do believe that God did spare many of their lives (in more than just physical ways).

And the sharks. I just simply cannot imagine the intensity of the sharks. I am not over it. I wish that I had someone to gape with regarding the sharks! not.over.it.

I am also unresolved regarding the final outcome of many of the Japanese POW officers. I will save my comments for the book club, but this will require some personal resolution....also, the atomic bomb. Devastating, but by the time the war is over--after reading this perspective--I will never view such a drastic end in such a critical way. I cried in this section of the book out of sheer relief for those prisoners. I was so grateful for the shocking destruction.

This should be required reading for humanity's sake.

Spring Break 2011

I've thought a lot this past weekend about what makes me happy and what has given me the happiest memories. Few moments of happiness in my life compare to the years I spent in college--I can honestly say, without a doubt that I would do it all over in a heartbeat. No question. I've also realized that so few women really get the opportunity to be so unbelievably satisfied with that period of their lives. Sure, I always wonder why in the world I never signed up for study abroad, or why I never minored in voice, or took a photography class....what I'm talking about are the big chunks of your thought, time, energy and sense of place and belonging AND those things--those special places will always belong to the Olsen sisters (all of them), Becca, Taggart, Elvis's Blue Christmas, Martha Stewart paper lanterns, whopper (no meat), Petersen, Cousin Wil (the time he tipped the bike over in the front room and we laughed until we peed our pants!), Adam & Casey, weekend road trips to Montana, fajita night, Cheryl Wheeler concerts with Barnett, dance party in the front room window, secret notes, Annie Oakley, Jesse James, so. much. singing....

and Spring Break. You know the one. Best. Spring. Break. Ever.

And I love it even more because after almost 15 years it still makes me overwhelmingly happy.

Oh, so happy.

The days are long, but the years are short.

The more I realize it, the more I ache to make myself remember all of it. The good and the bad. The new and the old.
Same place, but the only screams and chasing were from Jack and Kiki playing dinosaurs.
Jack's super sexy pose. I've had to stop saying it, though, because he's too into it.
This...is my favorite picture from the whole trip. Notice the total lack of concern on Becca's face as she casually grabs the shirt collar of the "she-devil"? Yup. 30-foot drop a mere centimeter away... you bet, got it covered.
They look so thoughtful and kind.

[below is a special coded message just for Bruce, from Lola]

"There's this white guy that does wild crack...and he smells really bad!"



I loved these two shots.

...we left early Sunday morning because of a snowstorm.
I love this lady. l.o.v.e. u.

End of the Season

Waiting for Jeff to get back with the lunch and watching the "Skim Pond" competition. It wasn't very exciting this year.
It's always more fun to try to get Jack to look at the camera. He isn't known for multitasking.
Lachlan's turns are getting so tight. She can cut through the trees with me if it is tracked out.
I always have a bittersweet feeling about the last ski day of the season. It is hard to see it go, but I am so weary of the cold weather. I have to say that it felt so wonderful to have a regular ski day this year. I loved seeing the progress that we are all making together--at least in terms of how we can keep up with Jeff.

Pot O' Gold

With the dawning of St. Patrick's Day I just couldn't take one more question about leprechauns. Lachlan is obsessed with leprechauns. I had drawn pictures, re-enacted leprechauns hiding and dancing, told stories about their pointy ears and long creepy fingers, decorated the house and delivered golden coins. And STILL, it wasn't enough! She wanted to see, hold, feel and ultimately, capture her own leprechaun.

I finally said, okay, I know where some hide out.

At first dam.

And, truthfully, I have seen some very troll-like individuals hanging out there in the early spring sunshine.

So I bought a couple of Happy Meals and gave them a big "leprechaun-catching" net.

We came home empty-handed, but no one got eaten by a goose and we were not accosted by the troll people.

The End.

Valentine's Cake

Buntings are all the rage on craft blogs. It was inevitable that I would give in to the madness. This is Sara's birthday cake. It was so easy.
I love cake.